Husbands Admit Homosexual Tendencies

Aug. 13, 2004 -- While New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey let go of years of secrets Thursday during his public admission that he is a gay man, his wife, Dina, quietly stood by his side. Now that he's come to terms with his sexual identity, his wife will be left to pick up the pieces of her own life, say women who have faced similar revelations.

Carol Grever and Amity Pierce Buxton say Dina McGreevey won't be alone in her struggle. Both Grever and Buxton were married to men who later revealed they were homosexual, and they say it happens more often than most people think.

"Many marriages seem to be quite normal — normal sexual relationships, normal children born from the union," Grever said on ABC News' Good Morning America. "Everything is clear after the fact. I mean, you have 20/20 vision in hindsight," said Grever, author of My Husband is Gay: A Woman's Guide to Surviving the Crisis.

The national nonprofit organization Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays estimates that more than 2 million homosexual or bisexual people are or have been married to heterosexual partners. PFFLAG estimates that 85 percent of those couples eventually separate, while 15 percent continue their marriages.

Both Grever and Buxton were separated from their husbands following the revelations.

It's not clear whether or not the McGreeveys will stay together. Micah Rasmussen, a spokesman for the governor, declined to answer any questions about the future of the marriage.

While the couple seemed to have a typical marriage in the tourism ads that featured the governor, his wife and their young daughter, McGreevey admitted Thursday that he had been involved with another man.

Although Dina McGreevey stood by her husband's side during his admission, Grever says women in similar positions tend to go through a series of reactions and emotions.

After Grever's husband of 30 years admitted to having affairs with men during their marriage, Grever says she went from being shocked to being upset.