Direct From New York to San Fran for Love: A Matchmaking Experiment


5 Things Couples Should NEVER Do in a Long-Distance Relationship

1. Cheat

"This sounds pretty obvious, but I'm still going to mention it. This is an extremely bad idea," Tessler said. "Even if you mess up once and you're wasted and no one ever finds out, you will still know. You'll know how easy it is, and then every time you talk to your significant other, you'll wonder, 'Did they hook up with someone last night?' If you're capable of it, what's to say they aren't? And so begins the spiral of doubt and generally yucky feelings."

2. Drunk Dial Your Significant Other and Tell Them What a Hard Time You're Having Not Cheating, and Then Expect Them to Congratulate You for Your Iron Will

"Don't do this," Tessler said. "Yes, it's hard to be drunk at a bar when you’re really far away from your S.O., and yes, you're doing the right thing by not making out with the extremely gross man buying you Fireball shots. But you do not deserve a medal for this. This is basic human decency that you are displaying, and people don't get commended for basic human decency."

"Furthermore, if you would like some praise, ask your roommate/friend/the bartender who is plying you with cinnamon deliciousness. Do not ask your significant other," she added. "The moral of this story is that you should never drink and dial."

3. Don’t Be Jealous of Their Happiness

"Social media makes this one really hard," Tessler said. "It sucks to be across the country from the person you're dating and have to see all their Facebook pictures of happy-laughing-without-you-fun. But try really, really, really hard to just be happy for them. It's good that they're happy. It means you're not in a codependent relationship where you both stop getting out of bed and subsist only on microwaved rice when you're apart. Congratulations!"

"If you get jealous every time you see them having a good time, it is basically 100 percent guaranteed to breed resentment," she continued. "Your significant other has to be able to tell you about the great alligator barbeque they just came back from without worrying that you'll freak out about the hunky alligator hunter. Basic stuff, you guys."

4. Don't Forget To Have Your Own Life

"It's not fair to put your entire existence on one person," Tessler said. "And sometimes in long-distance relationships, that happens. You become so consumed with missing the person that all you do is pick out new emojis to send them. You have become a really dull individual. Your friends will starting calling you Ol' Boring Dull Face behind your back... So go! Have a life! Have fun! Your relationship will do better because of it."

5. Don’t Spend All Day Texting

"Even if you have a life, you might find yourself texting your lady or fella all the live long day, because it's nice to stay in touch. I get it," Tessler said. "But then when you sit down to have a good long Skype session that inevitably turns into some steamy Skype sex, you realize you have nothing left to say to each other, because you've been talking all day, then you'll feel like you lost the spark, and you didn't. You just channeled it into your phone, instead of into the other person."

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