Funnies: O.J. Will Steal the Plutonium

Sept. 30, 2007 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

Jay Leno: Fidel Castro is near death but is clinging to life and he is determined to outlive the Bush presidency. Wow, just like Dan Rather!

David Letterman: The president of Iran, Ahmadinejad -- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad ... he said there are no homosexuals in Iran. So what they are going to do, they are going to develop one of their own.

Jimmy Kimmel There was a debate between the Republican candidates for president in Baltimore tonight. The debate focused on minority issues. ... Giuliani, McCain, Romney and Thompson -- not one showed up. Apparently, they all had scheduling conflicts that prevented them from going to a place where no one will vote for them.

Jon Stewart: Yesterday, surrounded by school children, speaking in defense of his education policy, the president said this
President Bush: Childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.
Stewart: "Childrens do learn" … oh, does they?

Letterman: President Bush has a new plan to stop Iran's nuclear program. This is what he's going to do: He's going to have O.J. steal the plutonium.

Leno: Congress has been having hearings this week concerning the increasing number of late airline flights. ... Congress said they may even have to intervene in order to help the airlines improve. And really, who better than Congress to show you how to make your business run more efficiently?