Cheney Drops Ball with Christian Athletes

K A N S A S   C I T Y, Mo., Aug. 30 -- Dick Cheney didn’t exactly hit a home run this week at an event with Christian athletes.

The Republican vice-presidential candidate spoke Tuesday at the Fellowship of Christian Athletes headquarters in Kansas City, Mo., an event that left some in the audience of about 75 people scratching their heads.

Cheney’s campaign had asked the group, which features coaches and players who promote character values and leadership, to let him stop by and give a speech.

Missing His Cue

The event started awkwardly, with Cheney and his wife Lynne entering the room to complete silence. After the audience took a moment to recognize the couple, they were greeted with a round of applause.

Following introductory remarks by group members about the organization and the role Jesus Christ had played in bettering their lives, 16-year old Erika Garris took the podium. This telegenic track star went into great detail about how she has committed herself to God and has sworn to abstain from alcohol, drugs and premarital sex.

Kansas City Royals 1st baseman Mike Sweeney then introduced Cheney, presenting him with a commemorative baseball jersey. Cheney took to the podium, promptly held up the jersey and then walked right back to his seat — completely missing his cue to talk.

His wife came to the rescue, prodding him and whispering loudly, “You speak now.”

At this point, Cheney returned to the podium where he read for 10 minutes from his standard stump speech, outlined in note cards before him, which focuses heavily on the importance of honor and integrity.

In his speech, he mentioned Christ once before he left the podium, shook a few hands and exited the room.

The people who had come to see Cheney were clearly dismayed, saying things like, “Well, he certainly was direct,” and “I’ll bet he gets out of here in a hurry.” Apparently, they had been told to expect a much more “interactive program” that would last for about an hour longer than it did.