North Korea and Politics 101

WASHINGTON, Oct. 9, 2006 — -- The phone call came late at night in Asia, but the recipient, who was playing a game of mahjong at the time, took it anyway.

"Kim, it's George. I'm sorry to wake you, but I need help badly."

"That's OK, George. Tell me, what's wrong?"

"You can't imagine the trouble my party is in with the elections only 28 days away. We've got a real disaster in Iraq hanging over our necks with all these books now saying we lied and bungled almost every step of the way; voters still remember the Katrina debacle and my ham-handed attempt to make people think everything was OK ('Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job'); then, there's the Harriet Myers nomination disaster and our contacts with the rip-off-artist Jack Abramoff; and now congressman Mark Foley gets 'outed' as a menace to young boys even though our guys on Capitol Hill tried to cover it up -- and the exposure of the 'cover-up' just added to the problem. So, Kim, I could use all the help you can give me."

"Anything for you, my friend, but what do you suggest?"

"You know how you've been threatening to test an atomic bomb? Well, do it now. I can then play my patented hole card and stand up to you as defender of America and freedom. After all, you're one of the Axis of Evil, and I'll accuse the Democrats of being soft on you and unable to defend against you while we Republicans will stand tall and tough for flag and country!"

"OK, George. My people say we aren't quite ready yet, but I'll give 'em a big dose of persuasion that will make your 'water boarding' seem child's play and they'll come around. Stay tuned."

BOOM

Now, of course, that phone call is fantasy. But let us examine the idea that this North Korean test will help the president and by extension his party change the subject back to homeland security.

It was in January of 2002 that the president spoke these words: "North Korea is a regime arming with missiles and weapons of mass destruction, while starving its citizens. … I will not wait on events, while dangers gather. I will not stand by, as peril draws closer and closer. The United States of America will not permit the world's most dangerous regimes to threaten us with the world's most destructive weapons. "

(Applause.)