Angry Teen Works to Overcome Roots of Self-Hate

Aug. 4, 2005 -- -- When 16-year-old Ashley was charged with disorderly conduct and sent to the Arizona Department of Juvenile Corrections' Black Canyon School, she was filled with self-hate for herself, and fury for anyone near her.

But after a short time at the facility, "Primetime's" cameras caught how a young woman can begin to overcome a lifetime of pain under the right circumstances.

Before she arrived, Ashley had tried to kill herself seven times. "I'm like a time bomb," she had told "Primetime" co-anchor Chris Cuomo.

When Ashley was born, her teenage parents were both on meth, and neither cared very much for being a parent.

Still worse, she claims she was molested. She won't say by whom, but she says the resulting pain has driven her delinquency -- stealing, fighting, skipping school.

Ashley says at her worse, "I'd have the cops called on me every day."

For all her life, Ashley wanted nothing more than the attention of her mother. Ironically, the person whose love she most craves is also the person who hurt her the most.

"She wasn't there for me, and without her there, and my father there, I didn't have structure in my life," Ashley said. Instead, Ashley was raised by her grandparents.

At Black Canyon, Ashley got one-on-one therapy, and for the first time, found someone to talk to. She also took to writing her pain away, especially in letters to mom.

"I told her that I hated her, and I could care less what happened to her. She's not my mother, she's just the person that gave birth to me."

In a letter to her father, Ashley wrote: "You're someone who was supposed to be there and supposed to care, instead you walked out of my life and never looked back. I can honestly say, I'll never come back in your life."

But self-hate does not go away immediately.

"So many people in my family have told me that they've hated me, they hate me, and they don't want me around them," she said. "Even when they do tell me they love me, I find it hard to believe." She said she doesn't even love herself.