The past 12 months in sports were once again so wild, unpredictable and occasionally unbelievable -- Dennis Rodman visited North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un? -- that not even the National Security Agency could keep track of it all.
A 14-year-old boy made the cut at The Masters while a 64-year-old woman swam from Cuba to Florida. Brother coached against brother in the Super Bowl. A No. 15 seed reached the Sweet 16. A British male won Wimbledon for the first time in 77 years. The Pittsburgh Pirates not only had a winning record, they actually reached the postseason. Auburn beat No. 1 Alabama on a 100-yard-plus missed field goal return after the Crimson Tide insisted a second be put back on the clock.
And please don't ask me to explain the whole Manti Te'o mess.
In fact, with so many bizarre, mind-blowing events over the past 12 months, you might not recall all these moments occurring in 2013:
Jan. 3: Actors Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson finish up production on a movie that will be released late in the year about a young man who has a very deep yet strange relationship with a woman who exists only as a voice on his cell phone. Director Spike Jonze is undecided whether to title the movie "Her" or "Manti Te'o's Girlfriend."
Jan. 6: Washington loses its wild-card game against the Seahawks when head coach Mike Shanahan decides to have badly injured quarterback Robert Griffin III operate from the wheelchair formation in the second half.
Jan. 7: Te'o is publicly humiliated after Notre Dame's loss in the BCS championship game when he is forced to admit that Crimson Tide quarterback AJ McCarron's girlfriend Katherine Webb is much hotter than his girlfriend ever was, even if she had actually existed.
Jan. 8: The Chicago Blackhawks' record three-month streak without a regulation or overtime loss is really put on the line when the NHL lockout finally ends.
Jan. 10: The Hall of Fame announces that fewer than 70 percent of the ballots returned by the baseball writers were marked for Craig Biggio or any other player, though as usual, 90 percent were covered with mustard and ketchup stains.
Jan 15: In a nationally televised interview with Oprah, Lance Armstrong confesses he not only doped during his seven Tour de France victories, he also called up Manti Te'o and pretended to be his girlfriend.
Jan. 20: The already intense sibling rivalry between Ravens coach John Harbaugh and 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh intensifies when the two brothers immediately start bickering over who must leave tickets for their parents to Super Bowl XLVII.
Feb. 1: Just weeks after averting the previous fiscal cliff, Tea Party Republicans risk yet another government default by demanding the budget outcome so vitally important to all Americans -- a lower tax rate on Phil Mickelson.
Feb 3: Beyonce delivers a dazzling 15-minute half-time show at Super Bowl XLVII, but the debut of the league's new, 34-minute mid-third quarter show falls flat because of poor lighting.
Feb. 12: Pitchers, catchers and Alex Rodriguez's lawyers report to spring training.
Feb 15: The International Olympic Committee drops wrestling because it doesn't meet the rigorous sporting standards of trampoline, pingpong and rhythmic gymnastics.