Funnies: 'Cheney, Cheney, Pelosi'

Nov. 12, 2006 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

Jay Leno: It's ironic, 'cause the Republicans have always said they wanted to appeal to minorities. Now they are one. That's ironic.

David Letterman: On Election Day, what a big day. Earlier today, the Democrats removed the duct tape from John Kerry's mouth.

Bill Maher: This was an amazing week. Democrats won in places they were never even competitive before. Like America.

Leno: But the good news: Now that the election is over, if you want to hear an annoying political speech, you'll just have to go to a Barbara Streisand concert. Yeah.

Letterman: Well, you know, the Democrats regained control of the House for the first time in 12 years, ladies and gentleman. Now we're really going to start to see things happen.

Craig Ferguson: With the Democratic victories in Congress, Nancy Pelosi, she becomes the speaker of the House, which makes her the most powerful woman in America. … She is third in line for the presidency. So the line of the presidency now goes Cheney, Cheney, Pelosi. That's how it works.

Jon Stewart: The move took many by surprise because well…"(shows video of Bush press conference)
Reporter: Mr. President, last week you told us that Secretary Rumsfeld would be staying on.
Stewart: Yes, so getting to the question: Is that what you call one those, uh, lies?
President Bush: The reason why is I didn't want to inject a major decision about this war in the final days of a campaign. And so the only way to answer that question and to get you onto another question was to give you that answer.
Stewart: Don't, don't, don't you see? Don't, don't you get it? I was only lying for my own good.

Leno: Donald Rumsfeld was known as the architect of the war in Iraq. And he can feel proud of what he's built, 'cause it's going to last for years and years and years.