A roundup of the late-night comics.
Jimmy Kimmel: I don't like the government keeping track of my phone calls. And I'll tell you another thing. When I got home last night, this is a weird thing, Dick Cheney was sitting on my bed reading my diary.
Jay Leno: Hey, did you see what happened? This weekend, a person was caught trying to jump over the White House fence after throwing a package over it. Turns out it was just Hillary Clinton with carpet samples. But it was scary, scary for a minute there.
Conan O'Brien: Earlier this week -- true story -- Bill O'Reilly did a piece about Mark Foley. This was the graphic. [graphic reads "Mark Foley (D-FL)"] Check it out. It said, "Foley, Democrat, Florida." The problem is, Mark Foley is not a Democrat. He's a Republican. … I assume it was a mistake. But I looked into it, and apparently this kind of mislabeling has happened on Fox News before. Take a look.
[video of Nixon resignation address with the graphic, "Richard Nixon (D), Wash D.C."]
President Nixon: I shall resign the presidency, effective at noon tomorrow.
[video of North Korean leader Kim Jong Il with the graphic "Kim Jong Il (D), North Korea"]
Voiceover: The regime of Kim Jong Il is a much more immediate danger.
[video of Michael Jackson with the graphic "Michael Jackson (D), California"]
Michael Jackson: I have been forced to submit to a dehumanizing and humiliating examination.
Leno: Oh man, what a nightmare I had last night. Kev, I had a nightmare.
Kevin Eubanks: Really, what's up, man?
Leno: Oh, man, I dreamed I was at a Washington party, I had to choose between Dick Cheney taking me on a hunting trip or Ted Kennedy driving me home. It was a nightmare.
Kimmel: I read kind of a sad study today. It said that single women, I don't want to bum you out … but, single women over the age of 35 are more likely to be shot by the vice president than to find a husband.
David Letterman: Earlier today, former President Bill Clinton campaigned for Sen. Joe Lieberman. Clinton got the crowd so worked up that they had trouble sleeping through the Lieberman speech.
Craig Ferguson: With the Democratic victories in Congress, Nancy Pelosi, she becomes the speaker of the House, which makes her the most powerful woman in America. … She is third in line for the presidency. So the line of the presidency now goes Cheney, Cheney, Pelosi. That's how it works.
Jon Stewart: Still in the tossup column, Virginia -- with Macaca Goldstein versus the He-man Woman Haters Club. And Tennessee, where a GOP ad accused Democrat Harold Ford of attending a Playboy Super Bowl party, drawing this angry retort.
Harold Ford [video]: I do like football and I do like girls.
Jon Stewart: That's Harold Ford, running for the high office of your college roommate.