Libby's Goldfish Memory

A roundup of the late-night comics.

The Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson: People are saying that Scooter Libby is taking a bullet for Dick Cheney. I'm not sure about that. I don't think so. Cause if Cheney wants someone to take a bullet, he usually delivers it himself.

The Colbert Report

Stephen Colbert: But Scooter don't worry. Even if you're not pardoned, prison will not emotionally scar you for life. It will only emotionally scar you for about 15 seconds. Because one thing we've learned from your trial is you forget things faster than a goldfish.

The Daily Show

Jon Stewart: But our top story tonight, folks, a troubling development: We have received word that many hundreds of American troops are being held in deplorable, squalid conditions. What kind of people would treat our soldiers in this horrible manner? Funny story, turns out, it's us.

The Colbert Report

Colbert: I'm talking, of course, about the members of Congress who toured Walter Reed last week. Someone had to have the courage to walk through that hospital and then have the press document their disapproval. These folks have been fighting to improve the conditions for our wounded soldiers ever since the very beginning of two weeks ago.

Real Time

Bill Maher: The President is in Latin America. He's on a five nation tour of Latin America. And a lot of people are saying while he is below the border, what a great time to build that wall.

The Tonight Show

Jay Leno: Well, John Edwards, who is running for president, being criticized now because the new house he just moved into is like the biggest house in North Carolina. It's 28,000 square feet, 102 acres. Is that unbelievable? You know, Edwards became famous for talking about the two Americas. Now both of them actually fit in his backyard.