Funnies: Saddam's Trial and Miers' Questionnaire

Oct. 23, 2005 — -- A round-up of the late-night comics.

Jay Leno: "The trial has begun and Saddam's lawyers say they, they will accept any judge except Harriet Miers. They don't feel she's qualified."

D.L. Hughley: "I was reading today that George Bush's approval reading among black people is at 2 percent. Two percent! Thomas Jefferson had a higher rating among black people and he owned them."

Stephen Colbert: "And we're also trying to learn from the news veterans out there. For instance, take a look at how most of the news stations are covering the avian flu."
Lou Dobbs: "Bird flu crisis is widening."
CSPAN: "...died of bird flu."
CNN: "...died of bird flu."
MSNBC: "...sickness if not death."
MSNBC: "...extending its ban on bird."
MSNBC: "...we don't have the reserves that we need."
Anderson Cooper: "...the pandemic that he says is all but certain."
Colbert: "Well here's what I learned. Nobody likes a Gloomy-Gus. It's not the end of the world, guys. Thank God there's a ray of sunshine over at Fox.
FOX announcer: "Bird is the word over at Fox. Why the avian flu could send stock soaring."
Colbert: "There you go. See. Fox knows how to put a shine on a rotting chicken corpse. Every global pandemic has a silver lining."

Conan O'Brien: "Much to talk about, a lot going on in the world. Tough times at the White House, tough times. A lot of bad news these days. And this is the latest, the Washington Post reports that morale is so bad at the White House that Vice President Dick Cheney has been giving the staff pep talks. Yea, you know things are bad when Dick Cheney is the most cheerful guy in the room."

Jon Stewart: "More relevantly, the questionnaire asked Miers to furnish information. Quote: 'Describe all communications by the Bush administration, or individuals acting on behalf of the administration, to any individuals or interest groups with respect to how you would rule.' Miers written response, and we are not making this up, was, 'No.' Just no. So she's given an incomplete and insulting questionnaire to be Supreme Court justice, I guess finally the game is up and she'll withdraw."

Sen. Specter: "Sen. Leahy and I took a look at it and agreed that it was insufficient, and are sending back at detailed letter."
Stewart: "She gets to retake the test. Apparently getting on to the Supreme Court is like high school Spanish. But for Sen. Leahy, more basic questions about the process still remain."
Sen. Leahy: "We'd actually like to know what the heck is going on!"