FUNNIES: Sweating Like a Danish Cartoonist -- 2/12/06

A roundup of the late-night comics.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Leno: Well, do you believe this weather? What is it, 88 degrees here in Los Angeles? It was hot, I was sweating like a Danish cartoonist in Mecca. That's how hot it was.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien

O'Brien: President Bush met at the White House with Jordan's King Abdullah. Isn't that good? He met with King Abdullah, yeah. Yeah, there was one awkward moment when Bush asked King Abdullah, "How's Queen Latifah?"

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Leno: In a speech yesterday, President Bush claimed that anti-terrorism efforts prevented an attack on the Library Tower here in Los Angeles. Did you hear about this? It's the tallest building on the West Coast. Actually, terrorists abandoned their plans when they realized being a library in L.A., it'd probably be empty. There wouldn't be anyone in it.

The Colbert Report

Stephen Colbert: I don't know if you caught Alberto Gonzales testifying on Monday. … Listen to how he responded when he was asked if this was an abuse of presidential powers. Jimmy.

Alberto Gonzales, testifying to Congress: I, I gave in my opening statement, Senator, examples where President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance of an enemy on a far broader scale.

Colbert: I can't believe he said that. Those are precious state secrets. Nobody's supposed to know about George Washington's covert electronic surveillance program. Shhhhhhh!

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