A roundup of the late-night comics.
David Letterman: It was so hot today that President Bush met with European leaders just for the chilly reception.
The Tonight Show
Jay Leno: The U.S. soccer team is out of the World Cup after a 2-1 loss to Ghana. And today, an angry John Kerry demanded we pull all our soccer players out of Germany.
Letterman: By God, this is a little frightening: North Korea is ready to test long-range ballistic missiles. Yep, and next they're going to start working on indoor plumbing.
Conan O'Brien: In a recent speech, former President Bill Clinton said that if Hillary runs for president, he'll do whatever is asked of him. Yeah, Hilary says the first thing she's going to ask Bill to do is to stop winking when he says that.
The Daily Show
Jon Stewart: But the Republicans are up against a new Democratic Party. They're mad as hell and they're not just going to sit around and watch while the GOP wastes time with some non-binding resolution. … Democrats fought back.
Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif. [videotaped interview]: Tuesday will be a day when we will debate this on the floor. Sen. Levin, Sen. Reid and I will have a resolution which we hope will capture the votes of a number of Democrats.
Stewart: In your face! They've got their own non-binding resolution calling for withdrawal. You hear that GOP? I see your non-binding resolution and I raise you one that probably won't even reach the floor. Nobody puts baby in the corner.
The Tonight Show
Leno: Very excitable crowd, you sound like Congress after voting themselves a pay raise while voting against the minimum wage. Which is kind of-- Sure enough, Congress gave itself a big raise this week, but voted against the minimum -- which is kind of ironic. I mean, if anybody should be getting minimum wage, it's Congress. Don't you think? I mean, it doesn't seem fair.