FUNNIES: Rumsfeld a la Seinfeld

Aug. 6, 2006 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

Jay Leno: Condoleezza Rice has been extremely busy this week, shuttling back and forth between Israel and Mel Gibson's house. You know that's been a tough…

Leno: Yesterday, Sen. Hillary Clinton went after Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. Really went after him, said he had a bad track record. And she asked him why she should trust him. Get the feeling maybe she's been burned by a guy before?

Craig Ferguson: Not such a great day for the far-more-dangerous, a-little-less-intelligent Mel Gibson. … When Mel was pulled over, he supposedly, he blamed the Jews for all the wars in the world. Hey, that's what he said. Now, you know who's very upset by this is Donald Rumsfeld. 'Cause he's like, "So what am I, chopped liver? How come they get all the credit? What have I been doing here?"

Jimmy Kimmel: Meanwhile, his right hand man, Donald Rumsfeld, back in Washington. He testified before the Senate Armed Services Committee. The senators wanted an update on how things are going in Iraq. And leave it to Rumsfeld, he's very accommodating, he even provides the questions. Rather than wait for senators to ask questions, he asks a question and then immediately answers it. Look at this.
["Seinfeld" logo, rewritten as "Rumsfeld"]
Rumsfeld [at hearing]: Are there setbacks? Yes. Are there things that people can't anticipate? Yes. Does the enemy have a brain and continue to make adjustments on the ground requiring our forces to continue to make adjustments? You bet. Is that going to continue to be the case? I think so.

Conan O'Brien: Fidel Castro's in some trouble. Cuban dictator Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. Yeah. Yeah, Castro says that a half century of Communist rule seemed like a good idea, right up until the part where he was rushed to the hospital in a '55 Oldsmobile.