Next Time Check the Label …
NOBLESVILLE, Ind. — You might call them OxyMorons.
Four men broke into a veterinarian's office looking for OxyContin, a painkiller that can be crushed and snorted to produce a heroin-like high.
Instead, they took oxytocin, a drug that induces childbirth, stimulates milk production, and is believed to help stimulate mothering instincts.
"They're not very smart," said Sgt. Eddie Moore of the Hamilton County Sheriff's Department.
The four individuals — James Fye, 19, Scott Earlywine, 19, Kieth Keele, 18, Rolla Keven Thompson, 19 — are suspected in a string of 17 burglaries in five different counties in Indiana.
Police say they targeted doctors' offices and dental offices and were primarily looking for cash, not drugs.
But, Moore said, they had taken nitrous oxide — commonly known as laughing gas — from one facility, and grabbed the oxytocin from the vet's clinic.
"They ran across something that said Oxy, and they thought, 'Hey we hit the jackpot,'" Moore said.
OxyContin is often referred to as "Oxy" by street users. Abuse of the drug has been linked to several deaths, and is considered a major health problem in several parts of the country.
What they took, however was oxytocin, which is not known for its narcotic effects.
"Oxytocin induces labor and lactation," Moore explained. "I don't know if they ever used it."
The four men face multiple burglary, theft, and drug charges.
Three Stooges Fan in Trouble? Why Soitenly!
LUBBOCK, Texas —
It was a decision worthy of Larry, Moe, and Curly themselves.
A Lubbock, Texas, man admitted to creating an identity theft and money-laundering scheme using the name of the Three Stooges fictional law firm, Dewy Cheetum and Howe.
The joke became his undoing, however, when a bank executive became suspicious.
Patrick Penker pleaded guilty Monday to stealing $1 million from casinos and credit card companies over the past four years.
He used fake identities to get more than 100 lines of credit from credit card companies and casinos.
One of his fake names turned out to be a knuckle-headed idea, however. Penker, under the alias Alvin Cheatham, incorporated a company called DC&H Inc., in Nevada, and used various combinations of the name Dewey, Cheatham and Howe.
John Reed, a bank vice president at American State Bank in Lubbock saw a request for a money order from Penker, and became suspicious.
"It did seem just a bit unusual for a company name," Reed told the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal Monday. "Evidently, he fooled a lot of people."
Reed brought his concerns to authorities, and the FBI launched an investigation into the accounts, eventually freezing scores of accounts controlled by Penker and arresting him in Bella Vista, Texas, in March.
Penker faces up to 40 years in prison.
Leggo My Pickup!
FARWELL, Texas — Jarrod Franse didn't run for help when he saw two men stealing his pickup truck; he jumped in.
The 23-year-old college student had just returned to his home after a round of golf when he saw two men next to his 1991 Dodge truck. They jumped in and started the engine when he approached, but the Farwell resident wasn't ready to say farewell to his truck just yet.
"His reaction was just to jump in the back," said Parmer County Sheriff Randy Geries, who was quick to add that he didn't recommend the risky stunt.
The two thieves then raced off onto a local highway, reaching speeds of more than 100 mph, Geries said.