Oct. 12, 2004 — -- Hey guys, that woman you heard in the men's room is no lady. It's probably just an interactive urinal communicator -- and you're only crazy if you talk back.
Taking "targeted advertising" to a new extreme, Country Music Television is using a talking urinal drain cover to advertise its Oct. 29 special, "CMT Greatest Outlaws: The Dirty Dozen."
When a guy steps up to the urinal, he'll hear a sexy woman's voice cooing, "Don't miss 'Outlaws' on CMT. You seem to miss everything else!"
The motion-activated device, called a "Wizmark," lasts for more than 10,000 flushes and features flashing lights, alternating pictures and a 10-second voice recording.
"We're talking about a very captive audience," says CMT spokesman James Hitchcock. "And this is one way to grab a guy's undivided attention."
Be warned, ladies: A sit-down "Wizmark" will be available faster than you can say, "How about a little privacy?"
Perhaps urinal advertising isn't right for all products, but Molson beer in Canada recently entered into an agreement with Wizmark to advertise a new brew in bars and clubs.
"We think urinal ads have the potential to be great for public service announcements for drinking and driving or safe sex," says Wizmark President Richard Deutsch, who recently patented the device.
Wizmark not only delivers advertising, it replaces the soap puck found in urinals, acting as a deodorizer.
Future versions of the Wizmark may allow the urinal to be turned into a veritable shooting gallery, giving points to guys when they hit specified targets.
"That could be the next big competitive sport," says Deutsch, who is obviously flush with success.
"Beginning with early attempts at writing one's name in the snow, there has already been an element of recreation associated with urination for men."
The urinal ad suits CMT's "Outlaws" show, which was pre-recorded and features such bad boys as Hank Williams Jr., who moons the audience during his performance.
"We wanted to do something outrageous," says Hitchcock. "Obviously, this wouldn't have been suitable to promote a show like 'The 100 Greatest Love Songs.'"
We always hear that crime doesn't pay, but controversy remains a great engine for promotion, if not for the misbehaving star, then at least for some other opportunist.
This week, The Wolf Files looks at some new products inspired by celebrity misbehavior. You may soon be hearing more about these products from your friendly neighborhood urinal:
1. Kobe Bryant "I'm Sorry" Rings: You'll probably never be able to afford the $4 million lavender diamond ring Kobe Bryant gave his wife after a Colorado woman accused him of rape. But you can have a reasonable facsimile of Bryant's "I'm Sorry" ring for $19.95.
Just remember, it won't take your sweetie long to realize this bauble -- available at inspiredsilver.com -- is a sparkling 5-carat cubic zirconium.
2. Martha's Jailhouse Hooch: You can be sure that Martha's Jailhouse Hooch -- a concoction of vodka and plum, apricot, and apple juice -- has nothing to do with Martha Stewart's "Living."
Dynamic Beverages hopes to have the new drink in stores by Christmas and claims it got the recipe from someone known as "Aunt Martha."
"She was very resourceful, both with crafts and in the kitchen, kind of a domestic 'MacGyver,' if you will," says company spokesman Dave Schmier.
Of course, most people will assume that this drink was inspired by a more famous Martha. "If you want to come up with that conclusion," Schmier says, "then feel free."
The real Martha won't feel free to do anything for several months. She'll be serving time in a West Virginia federal prison when Martha's Jailhouse Hooch hits the shelves.
3. Bouquets for Britney Brides: Britney Spears is known for quickie weddings, but if her second marriage lasts, she may be known for quickie bouquets.
The same celebrity florists who provided flowers for Spears' mid-September hitch-up to Kevin Federline is now offering overnight delivery of the very same arrangements -- presumably for brides who are in a hurry.
Celebrity florists Mark Held and Richard David launched Marksflowers.com recently, with bouquets starting at $60. And if you don't like the rose assortments he created for Brit, consider the more modest bouquets he whipped up for "Bachelorette" star Trista Rehn.
4. Hugh Hefner: The Game: Never has there been more of a playground for celebrity misadventure than the Playboy Mansion. Now, Hugh Hefner's home is a video game that's hitting stores next month.
As a virtual Hef, you get to pull on silk pajamas and build your own Playboy empire. Throw elaborate parties -- complete with celebrity guests and the mansion's infamous love grotto -- with cameos from mansion regulars Carmen Electra, David Copperfield and Tom Arnold, along with 75 Playboy bunnies.
Unfortunately, you can't press a button and have your way with the stars, but in the case of Arnold, that's a good thing.
5. Arnold "Girlie Man" Dolls: After California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger called Democrats in the state Legislature "girlie men," it was only a matter of time until they retaliated. Now, a Democratic lobbyist is depicting the "Governator" as a bobblehead doll in a hot pink dress with matching pumps.
"It's the American public's right to poke fun at politicians," John Edgell says. "If they have a problem with that they can sue me."
Schwarzenegger already sued another bobblehead company. According to a settlement, the company could produce the doll, provided that Arnold was depicted without a gun. So, you can expect this new girlie man to be unarmed.
Buck Wolf is entertainment producerat ABCNEWS.com. The Wolf Files ispublished Tuesdays. If you want to be notified whena new column is published, join the e-maillist.