-- Sorry, Joey.
The segment opened with Ross and Rachel (Aniston) sitting at a set modeled after Monica’s apartment from the show.
“I actually spent $80,000 making it, to the T. Every detail is correct,” Kimmel said.
Kimmel’s Ross rummaged through the freezer, pulling out a wig – the infamous Rachel hairstyle! Aniston was nonplussed.
“I’m not doing that,” she said, tossing the wig aside. “I have boundaries, Jimmy.”
Aniston criticized the script’s sophomoric humor, calling the dialogue stupid and dumb.
“Is it dumber than living in a huge apartment in New York City for eight years, even though you work at a coffee shop?” Kimmel asked.
Monica (Cox) and Phoebe (Kudrow) entered through the purple door soon after to raucous applause, scripts in hand to read their lines.
“Good to see you Ross, but more importantly, how you doin’? But wait, that’s Joey’s catchphrase, why am I saying it?” Kudrow said.
“Because I wrote the script, and there is no Joey anymore, that’s why,” Kimmel responded.
“Why? What happened to Joey?” Cox asked. “And where’s Chandler? They’re not in the script.”
“They’re dead,” Kimmel explained. “Marcel the monkey bit them and gave them monkey rabies, and they died. Now can everyone please try acting like you’ve been on a TV set before, and read the lines?”
Callbacks were made to the show’s theme song, “I’ll Be There for You” by the Rembrandts, including the clap-clap-clap-clap-clap parts.
But even the clap-clap-clap-clap-claps couldn't patch up Kimmel's fan fiction, so the actresses departed, leaving wannabe-Ross behind – a final “Friend” at the breakfast table, a slice of re-imagined sitcom brilliance.