He's Just Not That Into You

Oct. 22, 2004 — -- A hot new dating guide is flying off bookshelves across the country. Oprah is gushing about it, and it hit No. 1 on Amazon's bestseller list last month. It's a relationship advice book with a title that says bluntly: "He's Just Not That Into You."

It all started with an episode of the Home Box Office hit, "Sex and the City." Miranda, one of the show's main characters, is having drinks with her girlfriends and tells them about the mixed messages she is getting from a guy she likes. He'd ended their last date with two kisses at Miranda's door, yet declined an invitation inside. His excuse -- an early appointment -- seemed reasonable, and her girlfriends were unanimous: it all sounded "promising." But then, the sole male at their table delivered his take on Miranda's date: "He's just not that into you."

Curiously, this turns out to be a revelation and somehow good news. Miranda's feelings aren't hurt. In fact, she says, "It's the most liberating thing I have ever heard. Think of all the time and therapy I could have saved over the last 20 years if I had known this."

This "just not that into you" idea was a hot topic among the staff of "Sex and the City." Greg Behrendt, a consultant to the show, had, in fact, once caused a similar uproar when he told "Sex and the City" story editor Liz Tuccillo that a date "was just not that into her." Tuccillo, like the onscreen character, was thrilled to finally understand the excuses women hear -- and make -- to keep themselves in dubious relationships. So, she and Behrendt decided to put it in a book.

Tuccillo says many women know about the torture of hanging on to a dubious relationship. "There's nothing, nothing like the torture of waiting and hoping and longing and making excuses … that is the suffering of dating," Tuccillo told Oprah.