Working Wounded: Co-Worker Bossiness

July 7, 2006 — -- How do you deal with a coworker who acts like your boss?

Dear WORKING WOUNDED: I have a co-worker who is at the same level in the organization as I am. In fact, I've got more seniority. But he continues to boss me around. What can I do?

BOSS NOT

Dear NOT:I once took a commuter flight from New York to Boston. The person who took my ticket just before I boarded the plane seemed a bit more dressed up than usual. Imagine my surprise when the pilot welcomed us onboard and it was the same person who took my ticket. I spent most of the flight hoping it was a pilot who filled in as a ticket taker and not the other way around.

In most cases, the line between boss and employee isn't this blurred. So you've got to do what you can to reestablish who has the right to order you around and who doesn't. It's not an easy thing to do. I've included some strategies for you below. For more, check out "Jerks at Work" by Ken Lloyd (Career Press, 1999).

Can you stand up to them?

I once had a dog trainer explain to me that there were "alpha" dogs and "beta" dogs. Alpha dogs took command, while my poor beta dog would cower in the corner. It's no different at work. There are alpha employees who can sniff weakness and will try to take advantage of it every chance they can. You've got to learn how to be more assertive when you are working alongside these people and learn how to present your ideas more compellingly.

Can you learn from them?

This is the painful question. Often you can learn from a jerk. OK, maybe it's mostly what not to do, but the bottom line is that before you trash them, take a moment to see if there is merit to any of their ideas.

Can you get your boss to put them in their place?

This can help over the short term, but the problem is that the boss won't always be there to protect you. Eventually you'll have to deal with this person one on one. So even with your boss on your side, you'll need to learn how to pump up your assertiveness muscles.