Working Wounded: Scoring Points With Male Co-Workers

Nov. 3, 2006 — -- DEAR WOUNDED: I have spent most of my career working with women. I'm now working in a place full of guys. Help!

ANSWER: A woman once said to me that women are like a complex maze, full of unexpected twists and turns. And men are like an on/off switch. She then apologized. I corrected her and told her she gave us too much credit -- we were actually switches stuck in the "on" position.

I'm going to focus this week on how to score points with a guy at work, and next week we'll focus on scoring points with a woman. Both sexes have their challenges, and hopefully these columns will help you to be more successful with whatever sex you have to work with.

For more, check out "The Power to Charm" by Tracy and Arden (Amacom, 2006).

Do you recognize his achievements? Ever notice how most male doctors have walls and walls full of certificates and plaques? And how the average woman doctor has one or two? The only thing better to the average man than his achievements is to be recognized for them. A little acknowledgement can go a long way.

Do you understand that his emotional well being is often directly tied to his work? Most men don't just do their jobs, they are their jobs. So any attack on their work is a direct attack on them. That's why criticisms need to be presented very carefully and always when the man is in a good mood. Strike up a conversation about work and nudge him in the direction that is a concern to you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you can't offer criticism to a guy, it's just that you need to lay the proper groundwork first.

Can you look past their control-freak tendencies? As a reformed control freak -- I've done my share of 12 step programs to address this problem -- I believe that you can often get someone to loosen his grip a bit. But you must establish a level of trust that most people don't have the patience for at work.

Do you accept his deep insecurities? Let's face it, most guys are like cardboard cutouts -- admitting their vulnerabilities is something that they are loath to do. For all the outward bravado, you have to assume that somewhere inside there's a scared child who craves acceptance. No wonder they say that you'll get more accomplished with honey than with a stick.

Can you avoid talking down his achievement and status needs? Every dog must have his day. I'm not saying that all guys are dogs, but most could use a day to call their own. Rather than dismissing this, avoid making fun of his frail male ego and you just might be surprised at how supportive he can become of your cause.

Follow these tips, and your guy will start acting like that on/off switch, but this time really stuck in the "on" position.

We'd like to hear your strategy for dealing with a man successfully at work. I'll give an autographed copy of "Working Wounded: Advice that adds insight to injury" (Warner, 2000) to the best submission.

Send your entry, name and address via: http://workingwounded.com or via e-mail: bob@workingwounded.com. Entries must be received by Wednesday, Nov. 8.

Here are the results from a recent workingwounded.com/ABCNEWS.com online ballot:

Working Wounded/ABCNEWS.com online ballot question: How do you deal with a skeptic?

• Slap on the wrist, 16.3 percent
• Hold his or her hand, 32.1 percent
• Total avoidance, 51.5 percent

Our winning strategy for dealing with a skeptic comes from B.R. in Lansing, Mich.:

"I am totally paranoid. So I listen to everything that everyone has to say. Sure a skeptic can really let the air out of your tires, but I'd much rather hear it from a coworker than from a customer. So my theory is that the best thing to do is listen to everyone. Heck, they just might be right."

It's the people, stupid. Top types of lawsuits facing companies:

• 1. Labor and employment
• 2. Contracts
• 3. Intellectual property
• 4. Antitrust
• 4. Securities class actions

Fulbright & Jaworski

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. His newest best-seller, "Gray Matters: The Workplace Survival Guide" (Wiley, 2004), is a business comic book that trades cynicism for solutions. Ask Bob a question: bob@workingwounded.com or http://graymattersbook.com.

This work is the opinion of the columnist and in no way reflects the opinion of ABC News.