Working Wounded: Scoring Points With Female Co-Workers

Nov. 10, 2006 — -- DEAR WOUNDED: I work in an all-woman office. I've never done that before. What should I know right from the start?

ANSWER: There was one conversation that I had with a woman that proved to me that men and women really might be from different planets.

A woman told me that she knew that her boyfriend was cheating on her. "How do you know?" I asked. "Because I saw him with his new girlfriend in the mall two weeks after I threw him out. She wasn't wearing any makeup," she replied.

I must have looked confused, because she continued. "No woman would be seen in public with a guy without makeup for at least three months," she said.

Women pick up on things that men never will, and that's just one of the differences between the sexes.

Last week I talked about ways to score points with a man at work. This time I'll explain how to do the same with a woman. For more, check out "Power to Charm" by Tracy and Arden (Amacom, 2006).

Can you talk less and listen more? Let's face it, most men really like the sound of their own voices. They must, because when they are around women they often just go on and on. It's important to be sure that you aren't eating up all of the oxygen when you are in a room with women, many of whom will let a man talk himself silly. Leave room for others to speak.

Do you show her that you are listening? When I was dating, I learned an interesting thing. If you bring up something that the woman said earlier in the conversation, she will be very impressed. It amazed me how many men must not listen to women at all.

Can you accept that women's road in business is often harder? Let's face it, work is a patriarchy. I've been e-mailed by many women through the years who said that they had to be twice as good as a man to be considered for a job. And that has been born out by my experiences, too. I'm not saying you should show pity -- just respect that, on average, their path was probably much harder than yours.

Can you accept that she is more focused on relationships than you are? This is the biggie. The Top 3 concerns to most women -- relationships, relationships and relationships. Most women need time to talk through what is going on with the important people in their lives.

Follow these tips, and you'll never need to make up with a woman at work again.

We'd like to hear your strategy for scoring points with a woman. I'll give an autographed copy of "Working Wounded: Advice that adds insight to injury" (Warner, 2000) to the best submission. Send your entry, name & address via: http://workingwounded.com or via e-mail: bob@workingwounded.com. Entries must be received by Wednesday, Nov. 15.

Here are the results from a recent workingwounded.com/ABCNEWS.com online ballot:

Working Wounded/ABCNEWS.com online ballot question: What do you look for in a leader?

• Someone who is really smart, 8.7 percent
• Someone who thinks about more than their own wallet, 26 percent
• Someone who gets the job done, 27.1 percent
• Someone who tells the truth, 38 percent

Our winning strategy for what it takes to be a leader comes from D.V. in Tacoma, Wash.:

"When I was just starting in my career, my first manager used to always say, 'It's my way or the highway.' That doesn't fly anymore. Today you've got to be a different kind of leader. One who is flexible and who listens. Unfortunately these kind of leaders are few and far between today. No wonder there are so many problems at work."

Boss dreams -- If you could give your boss a skill, what would it be?:

• Trust in his or her employees, 18.3 percent
• Honesty or authenticity, 14.4 percent
• Great team-building skills, 14.3 percent
• Effective coaching skills, 13.7 percent
• The ability to say no, 12 percent
• A broader perspective, 10.2 percent
• Patience, 9.3 percent
• Decision-making skills, 7.8 percent

From: DDI

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. His newest best-seller, "Gray Matters: The Workplace Survival Guide" (Wiley, 2004), is a business comic book that trades cynicism for solutions. Ask Bob a question: bob@workingwounded.com or http://graymattersbook.com.

This work is the opinion of the columnist and in no way reflects the opinion of ABC News.