Role Reversal: Ex-Wives Angry Over Paying Alimony

Sept.30, 2009— -- He got their second house, an investment property she had bought in Costa Rica, and a $96,000 annual alimony payment.

She got angry.

"It's so obscene," said Holly Chiancola, 52, a Gloucester, Mass. real estate agent who is fighting the terms of a divorce settlement ordered by a judge in 2006.

You used to hear about divorced men complaining that their ex-wives were unfairly cutting into their income. Now, as more women become primary breadwinners, the complaints increasingly come from them. The number of American men receiving alimony has climbed, from 7,000 in 1998 to 13,000 last year, according to U.S. Census Bureau data

Chiancola's ex, who declined to comment for this story, is among them.

Thanks in part to the pre-financial crisis real estate boom, Chiancola earned considerably more than her ex-husband, a sometime carpenter and fashion model, during their 19-year-marriage. She said her ex didn't hesitate to take advantage of that -- even though her income plummeted after the real estate boom years, and she's now struggling to make her mortgage payments.

Chiancola said she partly blames Massachusetts' "outdated" divorce laws for her predicament -- she is a supporter of the group Mass Alimony Reform -- but she's also plenty outraged at her husband.

"He went for the jugular, believe me," she said.

Aggressive pursuit of spousal support by men is becoming more common, some divorce lawyers say, as the stigma of asking for alimony fades.

"Early on, men were somewhat embarrassed to ask for alimony because it went across their defined roles in the culture. That has diminished," said Marlene Moses, the president-elect of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, an organization of family law attorneys. "There's been a revolution of men and their rights and the vigor with which they pursue legal opportunities for themselves."

It's a revolution, experts say, that has been going on for more than 20 years -- actress Joan Collins' divorce and alimony case made headlines in the 1980s -- but today, it's still catching some women off guard.

Take Terry, a 56-year-old Florida healthcare executive, who asked to have her last name witheld because her divorce from her husband is not yet settled.

"He's a very independent man, a very macho guy, and I was quite surprised that he would ask for alimony," said Terry.