Garner Can't Top Hanks at Child's Play

Now in theaters: 13 Going on 30 and Connie and Carla

13 Going on 30

A 13-year-old boy wants to be 30. The moral is: Be careful what you wish for. The movie was Big, starring Tom Hanks. Great film.

How about this? A 13-year-old girl wants to be 30. The moral is: Be careful what you wish for. The movie is 13 Going on 30, aka Big Done Small.

Big was about the innocence of childhood, something you fight to keep, not wish away, illustrated with movie moments that resonate still, like when Hanks eats baby corn on the cob or plays piano in FAO Schwarz. 13 Going on 30 is a far lesser fable, dressed up in jokes that won't outlast the popcorn.

Still, this movie does have two things going for it: Jennifer Garner lights up the big screen the way she lights up the small one in Alias and, more importantly, her film's target audience, tween-aged girls aged 10 to 13, weren't around when Big opened 24 years ago. They'll think this is original. Grade: C+

Connie and Carla Two musicians witness a murder. They dress as women to hide from the mob, and the plan seems to work, until Marilyn Monroe comes along. That's Some Like It Hot, Hollywood's funniest romantic comedy.

Now, 45 years later, two women musicians witness a murder. They dress as women pretending to be men dressed as women to hide from the mob. That's Connie and Carla, or as I prefer to call it, Some Like It Not.

David Duchovny is a fine actor. He even made me believe he thought he was acting in a good movie when I know he knew better. I don't think Nia Vardalos knew better, though. She says she stole the idea from Shakespeare, not from Billy Wilder. Sure, Nia, that's why the prince dies at the end. Grade C

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