— In a year America spent searching for Saddam Hussein's hideout and details of Jennifer and Ben's not-so-secret wedding, thank goodness there are folks in Washington who haven't forgotten the importance of UFO law.
Here's a rundown of 2003's top weird news from The Wolf Files: 1. French Fried Patriotism: Congressional lawmakers marked 2003, by finally putting "Freedom" on the menu — of its cafeteria.
To protest France's opposition to U.S. policy in Iraq, Congress banned "French"-named food from its dining hall and introduced "Freedom Fries" — the first junk food that allowed Americans to declare their patriotism and clog their arteries at the same time.
Taking a cue from lawmakers, Americans found all manner of novelty items to express themselves, plastering Saddam Hussein's face on garbage pails, ash trays, and the popular "wipe out terrorism" toilet paper.
Freedom Fries even inspired one ice cream company to offer flavors such as "Iraqi Road," "Cowardly German Chocolate" and "I-Hate-the-French Vanilla."
When the Army finally roused a scraggly-faced Saddam from his spider hole, doctored pictures circulated over the Internet of the deposed Iraqi leader getting a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy " makeover. [Next: Arnold Schwarzenegger]
2. Arnold’s Political Theater: The political clout of Hollywood stars has never been more apparent. Ronald Reagan, Sonny Bono, Fred Grandy, and now Arnold Schwarzenegger have proven that you don't need to win Oscars to win elections.
With Arnold's success, other stars must be looking for second careers in politics. But before you start saying Senator Kutcher, rest assured that some celebrities have political careers shorter than Gary Coleman.
Shirley Temple Black complained that no one took her seriously when she ran for Congress. Would-be New York governor and radio shock jock Howard Stern proved that his financial statement was the only private part he wouldn't expose.
Other political road kill: Star Trek's George Takai, The Munsters' Al "Grandpa" Lewis, the Dead Kennedys and Nancy Kulp, better known as Miss Hathaway on The Beverly Hillbillies.
Check out The Wolf Files rundown of the unlucky stars of political theater. [Next: Pampered Pigs and Pet Tigers]
3. Pampered Pigs and Pet Tigers: Man's new best friend doesn't necessarily walk on four legs. He might slither.
Exotic animals remain one of the fastest-growing segments of the pet industry, with Americans purchasing everything from pythons and miniature donkeys to tarantulas and giant African roaches.
And, of course, Americans insist on babying their pets, no matter what they are.
If you need hoof moisturizer for your pot-bellied pig, a cashmere sweater for your ferret, or a leather leash fitted to take your bearded dragon for a walk, all these items are available from online pet suppliers.
If you want to feel like a mommy kangaroo or possum, you can even purchase a "bonding pouch" that allows you to carry your pet marsupial around just like his biological mother would.
The danger of exotic animals came into national focus after Las Vegas entertainer Roy Horn of Siegfried & Roy in October was mauled by one of his legendary white tigers.
Only a few weeks before, New York City police had to evict a 425-pound tiger and a 5-foot-long alligator from a Bronx apartment after resident Antoine Yates was hospitalized with animal bites.