Gee Wiz! New York Will Fight DWI With Talking Urinals

May 17, 2006 — -- Guys who've had too much to drink over Memorial Day might not be hallucinating if they return from the men's room and say, "The urinal has been talking to me."

What they're actually hearing is New York's latest public service announcement for traffic safety.

The battle against drunken driving is going straight into the toilet, as New York plans to install motion-activated soap pucks, known as Wizmarks, in the urinals of 100 men's rooms at drinking establishments across Long Island's Nassau County.

When guys leave a bar, the bathroom is usually the first place they visit before they go to their cars. And now, when men step up to the urinal at participating pubs, they'll hear this public service announcement as they relieve themselves:

"Hey, you! Yeah, you! Having a few drinks? Then, listen up! Think you've had one too many? Maybe it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home. It's sure safer and a hell of a lot cheaper than a DWI! Make the smart choice tonight. Don't drink and drive!"

The Wizmark replaces the plastic apparatus that holds a sanitizing soap puck at the base of a urinal. The Wizmark's built-in battery and microchip releases a recording that lasts through 10,000 flushes, although guys with spotty potty habits will learn that the Wizmark's motion-sensitive device doesn't require a flush to begin operating.

The Wolf Files has learned that New York's Traffic Safety Board in Nassau County -- along with state assemblyman Tom DiNapoli and law enforcement officials -- will announce this first-of-its-kind program on May 25, and they will ask local drinking establishments to voluntarily install the Wizmarks in their bathrooms.

The official announcement will come with a Wizmark demonstration at Jackson Landing in Bellmore, one of the bars participating in the program.

"Luckily, nobody will have to go into the bathroom to hear how the device works," said Cindy Brown, a spokeswoman for the Traffic Safety Board.