According to the recent Match.com survey, here are the old standbys:
• "I'll call you" (and never call). Ten percent of guys say that's their thing.
• "I had a nice time" (and never speak to the person again). This is a favorite of 39 percent of the ladies. • "You're a great person, but I don't see a fit between us." A diplomatic choice for both sexes, it's the No. 1 choice of 27 percent of daters.
In the slapdash world of text messaging, you may want to shorten that last one to " U-R Gr-8. But I Don't C a Fit." Blast that off and smile through your emoticon, though in your heart you're weeping.
The Accoutrements of Modern Love
Rejection Business CardsCan't get rid of that annoying guy at the bar? You might need Rejection Business Cards from Rejectionhotline.com.
These bogus business cards are the perfect way to get rid of an overaggressive suitor. You just give him one of these cards, and he thinks he has your telephone number … until he calls the next day and gets this recording:
"Hello, this is not the person you were trying to reach … I know this sucks, but don't be too devastated … Maybe you are not this person's type … Maybe you're a general loser … Maybe you give off that creepy stalker vibe … Maybe the idea of going out with you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns."
Perhaps that's harsh, but some people really need it spelled out.
You get 250 Rejection Business Cards for only $20, and they can be printed with a real or phony name. The cards will indicate that the person holds a position at Noitcejer Technologies. (For you really dense types, Noitcejer is "rejection" spelled backward.) There are now rejection hotlines in 16 states.
Handheld Lie Detector When love dies, it's never pretty. But why bother making your final conversation an interrogation when you can have a lie detector at your disposal?
Sophisticated polygraphs cost $5,000 and require serious training. The Handy Truster from LieBusters.com exposes fibbers by detecting tremors in their voice and claims 82 percent accuracy for $25.
Who's going to agree to be strapped to a lie detector? No one. That's why The Handy Truster works without physical contact.
You can attach it to your telephone and it will analyze your lover's voice as you ask simple yes-or-no questions. Of course, 82 percent honesty might not be enough to sustain a relationship. But it's better than nothing.
Bitch-and-Moan Webcam Just because you've been dumped, you don't have to sit home alone drowning your sorrow in Haagen-Dazs. Now, you and other computer users across the world can watch each other pig out. All you need is a computer and a Webcam.
Anywebcam.com — the Internet's largest online Webcam community — is reporting that bitch-and-moan video chat rooms and two-way conferencing are the natural solution to faceless, coldhearted e-mail breakup.
"Most people think of the Internet just for making love connections, but you can just as easily use it to heal your wounds. I recently broke off my engagement and found kindred spirits," says Natalie Daniel, an Anywebcam.com spokeswoman.
You don't need to be rich or technically gifted to set up an Internet video camera. They hook up to your computer easily and prices start at less than $100. Anyweb.com boasts more than 700,000 users, and it's hardly a gloomy place. The founder, David Thompson of Australia, met his wife via Webcam.