The boy who lived was bound to grow up. Now, we have an idea of what became of him.
Early this morning, author and functional fairy godmother J.K. Rowling granted an unprecedented look at the adult life of Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. The installment marks the first time Rowling has revisited the beloved characters since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was published seven years ago.
Written in the voice of acid-tongued gossip columnist Rita Skeeter, the story finds Harry, Ron and Hermione at the Quiddich World Cup. By even Skeeter's acerbic account, the trio seems to be aging gracefully.
As Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson are subject to the realities of the space-time continuum, we took it upon ourselves to cast a more mature group of Hollywood heavyweights to join the inevitable adaptation of the new material.
At 34 years old, our leading man is described as having "threads of silver" in his hair and an unexplained cut on his cheek. The actor that scores the juicy role will need to bring equal parts mystery and rakish charm to the part. Given that he has already embodied the gifted and inscrutable Spiderman and boyish Nick Carraway, Tobey Macguire would be a perfect as Potter.
Not even magic can solve male-pattern baldness. Skeeter reports that Ron Weasley's "famous ginger hair appears to be thinning slightly." But at least the eternal sidekick still has his sense of humor. After leaving a truncated career at the Ministry of Magic behind, Weasley ultimately went on to co-manage Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, the joke "emporium" co-founded by his older brothers.
As Ed Sheeran is still a sprightly 23-year-old, we settled on a towheaded actor to play the gangly grown-up. The talented and charismatic Jude Law is our top choice. This is what his hairline was destined to do.
According to Skeeter, the "femme fatale" of the group now serves as the deputy head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic and is slated to continue to climb the ranks there. The mother of two, who kept her maiden name, naturally, is said to have it all--a point that Skeeter contests. ("No - look at her hair.") Still, even Skeeter would agree that only an impressive actress could channel the powerful witch. Our pick? Scarlett Johansson. The brainy beauty has already played a dizzying variety of characters and is set to reprise her role the Black Widow for the third time next year. Like Hermione, Johansson is obviously at the top of her game.