"Think of your gum as a little turtleneck collar around your tooth," said Cram. "Your job every day when you brush is to sweep down under that collar and take out the bacteria. That shirt isn't really going to get in between teeth and it's not going to get down underneath the gum collar."
Potential suitors, beware: whatever she doesn't rub off with that shirt, Simpson could pass on to you.
"She's gaming the system by trying to polish the front part of her mouth but the rest may be full of plaque," said Katz. "She should be careful about kissing or biting people. She may be transfering the bacteria from the back of her mouth to her tongue and on to them."
To be fair, if Simpson is indeed flossing daily, she's got the hard part down.
"If we take her at her word, flossing and using an antibiotic rinse daily, those are two legs of the same stool. But you need the third leg, brushing, to get optimum oral hygeine," said Dr. Matthew Messina, an Ohio-based dentist and ADA consumer advisor. "It could be that some of her aversion to brushing is because she's going about it the wrong way. Maybe she was brushing too hard. A lot of times, it's simply a technique issue."
But then there's the issue of her breath. While Simpson can swear up and down that it's "fresh" and "great," dentists agree that she's not in a position to make that call.
"You cannot smell your own breath," said Katz. "She's probably used to her own odor. It's a process your brain goes through called acclimation. That's probably why she doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment."
"I have a device called a Halimeter that actually rates your breath, and gives it a numerical score," he added. "I'd be happy to fly wherever she is right now to test her breath for her, and then she can announce the results -- good or bad."
Or she could go another route.
"Perhaps she should ask some of her friends, acquaintances or family members," said Cram. "Quite often, people are hesitant to tell someone they have bad breath."
Paging Mr. Mayer: here's a chance to put your tweets to good use.