Lady Gaga Writes About Her 'Daily' Struggle With PTSD
After going public with her diagnosis, the singer explains how it affects her.
— -- One day after publicly revealing that she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD, Lady Gaga published an open letter about how the mental illness affects her life on a "daily" basis.
The singer, 30, published the personal letter on the website for her Born This Way Foundation on Tuesday.
"It is a daily effort for me, even during this album cycle, to regulate my nervous system so that I don’t panic over circumstances that to many would seem like normal life situations," she wrote. "Examples are leaving the house or being touched by strangers who simply want to share their enthusiasm for my music."
Gaga opened up about what she called her "deepest secret" two years after revealing that she was sexually assaulted at age 19.
Later on Twitter, she explained that the assault wasn't the only cause of her PTSD.
In her open letter, she said her PTSD is also triggered by memories associated from her past years on tour "when my needs and requests for balance were being ignored."
She wrote, "I was overworked and not taken seriously when I shared my pain and concern that something was wrong. I ultimately ended up injured on the 'Born This Way Ball.' That moment and the memory of it has changed my life forever. The experience of performing night after night in mental and physical pain ingrained in me a trauma that I relive when I see or hear things that remind me of those days."
The "Perfect Illusion" singer said as a result of her PTSD, she sometimes experiences dissociation, which she described as a "glazed over state" where "I look off and I stare."
"My body is in one place and my mind in another," she explained. "It’s like the panic accelerator in my mind gets stuck and I am paralyzed with fear."
During those times, Gaga said she is unable to talk and she sometimes falls into a depression.
"It’s harder to do my job. It’s harder to do simple things like take a shower. Everything has become harder," she wrote.
"Additionally, when I am unable to regulate my anxiety, it can result in somatization, which is pain in the body caused by an inability to express my emotional pain in words," she added.
After five years of suffering privately, Gaga said she went public because she wants people to be aware that PTSD affects not just people in combat but "all kinds of people, including our youth," she said. "No one's invisible pain should go unnoticed."
In addition to using psychiatric medication and psychotherapy, Gaga is using what she calls the best medicine -- words.
"Kind words...positive words...words that help people who feel ashamed of an invisible illness to overcome their shame and feel free," she wrote. "This is how I and we can begin to heal. I am starting today, because secrets keep you sick. And I don’t want to keep this secret anymore."