"The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. Bit louder, bit trashier, bit drunker. And more easily bought. Allegedly."
Low-hanging fruit, but Gervais collected it well.
On to Justin Bieber:
"The only way that he could have impregnated a girl is if he borrowed one of Martha Stewart's turkey basters."
Gervais, sharing the stage with Johnny Depp, had a question: "Have you seen 'The Tourist' yet?"
"Uh … no," Depp, star of the movie, mumbled in response.
And this one:
"There's a pecking order here," Gervais explained. "TV 'round the edge. Movie stars in the middle."
Then he introduced George Clooney, a "rare" person who "managed to move all the way from the back, when he was on 'ER,' to right down the front."
The ol' seven-second delay came in handy when Gervais, introducing Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, said he couldn't "understand a f******g word they say."
As for Colin Firth:
"What you don't know about him is, is he's very racist. Very. I mean, really, nasty stuff. Also, I've seen him punch a little blind kitten. Please welcome the evil Colin Firth."
And with that, out came Firth.