English comedian Ricky Gervais was in biting form for the Golden Globes, the awards show that has become the film and television industry’s most high profile roast.
Before the festivities began, Gervais claimed he wasn’t there to “annoy” anyone. Perhaps not, but Jodie Foster didn’t look altogether pleased with one particular line from his opening bit.
About halfway through the monologue, Gervais said event organizers had given him some rules and guidelines for the evening.
“I musn’t mention Mel Gibson this year. Not his private life, not his politics, not his recent films, and especially not Jodie Foster’s ‘Beaver.’ I haven’t seen it myself” — at which point Foster gave a thumbs up. After a beat, he said: “I’ve spoken for a lot of guys here, they haven’t seen it either. But that doesn’t mean it’s not any good.” Foster did not look entirely pleased.
Gervais had started off with one for NBC.
“Tonight you get Britain’s biggest comedian, hosting the world’s second biggest awards show, on America’s third biggest network… (beat) Sorry, fourth.”
Later on in the monologue, he came to reality queen Kim Kardashian.
“The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. Bit louder, bit trashier, bit drunker. And more easily bought. Allegedly.”
Low-hanging fruit, but Gervais collected it well.
On to Justin Bieber:
“The only way that he could have impregnated a girl is if he borrowed one of Martha Stewart’s turkey basters.”
Gervais, sharing the stage with Johnny Depp, had a question: “Have you seen ‘The Tourist’ yet?”
“Uh … no,” Depp, star of the movie, mumbled in response.
“There’s a pecking order here,” Gervais explained. “TV ’round the edge. Movie stars in the middle.” Then he introduced George Clooney, a “rare” person who “managed to move all the way from the back, when he was on ‘ER,’ to right down the front.”
The ol’ seven second delay came in handy when Gervais, introducing Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, said he couldn’t “understand a f******g word they say!”
“What you don’t know about him is, is he’s very racist. Very. I mean, really, nasty stuff. Also, I’ve seen him punch a little blind kitten. Please welcome the evil Colin Firth.” And with that, out came Colin Firth.