Did the King of Pop Father a Child the Old-Fashioned Way?

I actually thought it was kind of "creepy" that Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley got married and recently spent their honeymoon at Graceland to participate in the 25th commemorative anniversary of Elvis' death. And I didn't think this because Nic and Lisa make a bad couple, it's just that everyone knows Nicolas Cage LOVES Elvis. He wants to be Elvis. He played an Elvis-like character in Wild At Heart. And then by some odd turn of romantic tides, he marries Elvis' daughter.

Co-inky-dink? Perhaps, but one has to put tapping forefinger to temple, thumb to chin and give a big, "Hmmmm ... kind of creepy" to this union.

So what does one have to do with the other?

Well, it's just that Lisa Marie used to be married to Michael Jackson and at the time she already had a couple of kids from her first marriage to Danny Keogh. So, if Michael wanted kids, and says he's actually having them "the old-fashioned way," why didn't he knock out at least one child with her?

Presley's father was the King of Rock 'n' Roll. Michael is/was the King of Pop. Imagine that offspring! Had the two of them managed a sperm and egg tango, they could've birthed a musical entity to rival no other. That embryo could've made a weekly sonogram appearance on American Idol and been the hands-down winner, week in and week out. Even Simon couldn't dis that baby. Whatever Happened, It’s Shocking

The nature of this whole thing just turns my brain to lumpy curd. Lisa gets married again, this time to someone who idolizes her father, and Michael pulls a baby boy out of his glove at a Siegfried and Roy magic show and becomes a father again.

Well, it all just beats the fudge out of me. How do you go from marrying Michael Jackson to marrying Nicolas Cage? Whatever happened to a "type"? And in this same vein, how does Michael go from Lisa Marie Presley to a dental hygienist to a couple of babies, a second divorce and several-month-old mystery baby?

To me, there is a definite uncertainty as to whether this latest child is actually the fruit of Mr. Jackson's loins or whether a stork decided to drop the infant at MJ's doorstep. If it's the latter, I am aghast at the reality that a) Michael Jackson could adopt a child or b) that a woman who knows Michael Jackson would allow him to adopt her child and c) that children could be conceived and secretly pawned or traded or whatever in the United States in 2002.

However this happened, it's sad. I truly can't believe that Michael Jackson is now raising THREE children.

And I felt bad for Anna Nicole's boy!

Heidi Oringer is director of entertainment programming at ABCNEWS Radio.

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