Showbiz Commentary: Heidi Oringer

Oct. 4 -- Mark David Chapman’s not getting out of jail, Aaron Spelling’s hideous new series debuted this week, the Olympics are FINALLY over, the debates have just begun and we find out who got shot on The West Wing.

I’m not sure any of these things are worth getting out of bed for, but the nice thing about them all is they can be enjoyed or at least tolerated from under the covers (well, except for Chapman).

In case you are too young (or too old) to remember, Chapman is the guy who shot and killed John Lennon almost 20 years ago. He was up for parole this week but — to no one’s surprise — the parole board turned him down. This, to me, is one of those “givens.” Kind of like knowing I won’t ever run into Charles Manson at the Ice Capades, there will never be a Turbo-charged convertible Yugo and you can’t eat chocolate cheesecake and lose weight.

I realize it’s normal procedure to have convicts face a parole board, but must we really waste taxpayer money on even having such a ridiculous proceeding? It brought Yoko Ono out for a few minutes, drudged up the memory of a horrible loss to the music world and gave Chapman another plug in the annals of history. He’s up for parole in another two years, at which time, I am guessing, although I do not claim to be psychic, he will be turned down yet again.

Titans Try to Titillate

Now if anyone should be jailed or at least face some kind of disciplinary board, perhaps it should be Aaron Spelling and the cast of Titans, which may just be the most baseless show ever aired on the telly. I realize soap operas fulfill certain needs and the idea of escapism is a pleasant one, but this new collection of weekly drivel satisfies nothing.

Here’s the show in a nutshell: The entire cast is horny and they can’t find their way out of their own home to satisfy their lusty needs. That’s it.

Mr. Spelling’s new nighttime soap simply serves as 41 minutes of filler and a way to earn a paycheck for cast members like Perry King and Victoria Principal, who would otherwise probably not receive one. (Although it’s very possible Ms. Principal could still be hawking a line of facial products on an overnight infomercial.)