Emmy Report: The Red Carpet Blur

L O S  A N G E L ES, Sept. 20, 2004 -- I'd like to thank the Academy … for allowing me to dish on Emmy night … I'd also like to thank Britney Spears for getting married on a weekend with so many important things going on.

Most stars didn't know Britney had said "I do" on Saturday before they "did" the Emmy show last night.

Before we step onto the carpet and into the Shrine Auditorium for the 56th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, let it be known that TV types receive just as much "swag" as their brothers and sisters in the film industry during the Oscars.

For those who have never received a free bag of designer goodies, swag is what's given to invitees: the latest electronic toy wonders, high-end costume jewelry and other nifty stuff common folk don't get to see — let alone pay top dollar for — until it has been seen in the hands of a hot celebrity.

A day before the event, swag suites open at upscale hotels and Emmy invitees start hauling off their loot. Some even walk away with newly arched eyebrows or a hot shave (gender appropriate, of course).

As the event nears, there's the crucial, mind-bending process of what I like to call, "WTW" and "HMB" as in "Who to wear?" and "How much bling?"

The Red Carpet is where it all comes together in its special insanity. Everyone arrives at the same time, and then you have to twirl your head this way and that to catch all in their grandeur.

I always wonder, why start two hours before curtain time? No star would dare show up until the last 30 to 45 minutes. It's nearly a requirement to rush down the carpet with waves and sparkles and screams of "I said it's PRAH-DAH," while trying to finish 100 interviews, right up until the warning comes that anyone who's not inside will have to stay outside until the first commercial break.

This is not a hollow threat. Drea de Matteo didn't make it on time this year and she missed the first award going to her Sopranos co-star, Michael Imperioli.