The Szish Dish: Katrina Szish at the Golden Globes

Welcome to the unofficial Golden Globe After-Awards, where we showcase the gorgeous, the ghastly and the don't-come-back-till-you-fire-your-stylist ensembles -- not to mention the most memorable moments of the evening, even if they're the ones the stars want you to forget.

Hot, young Hollywood was on fire when it came to setting trends at this old Hollywood affair. Some observations:

Hemlines were shorter. Check out Charlize Theron in Dior, Reese Witherspoon in Chanel, and Anne Hathaway in Marc Jacobs.

White was right. Purity prevailed for Reese, Keira Knightley, and Gwyneth Paltrow in Nicolas Ghesquiere for Balenciaga, and even Felicity Huffman got in on the action.

And feminine flourishes such as netting, lace, ruffles and tulle ruled. Witness Michelle Williams, Anne Hathaway, Emmy Rossum, Charlize, and Sarah Jessica Parker.

But the biggest trend on the carpet was to throw caution to the wind and make it your own. Take note of Keira's belt detail, Gwyneth's ironically virginal Bo Peep look, Evangeline Lilly as the green-eyed goddess, and Rachel Weisz's Bride of Frankenstein hair.

The Gorgeous

And the nominees are …

Natalie Portman -- With her close-cropped pixie cut and 1950s vintage Chanel couture gown, Natalie was a refreshingly modern incarnation of Audrey Hepburn in the Sabrina era.

Keira Knightley -- An effortlessly youthful look befitting of this ingenue.

Reese Witherspoon -- Currently the most confidently chic woman in Hollywood, she knows what looks good on her and she always gets it right.

Michelle Williams -- The next It girl. Her strapless, eggplant-hued, tiered empire waist gown could have been fussy, but it was fashion at its finest. Her simple hair and makeup balanced the decadence of the dress.

Felicity Huffman -- It's becoming more and more difficult to think of this woman as remotely "Desperate." Finally, the floral frocks are gone and replaced by styles worthy of this elegant leading lady.

The Winner: Portman. She embodies the new wave of classic Hollywood.

The Ghastly

All of these women went with the "If the dress doesn't fit, wear it" rule.

Scarlett Johansson -- Red is dead, especially when paired with Farrah Fawcett hair. She looked more red-light district than red carpet.

Virginia Madsen -- In Kevan Hall that's too blue, too busty, too bad.

Rosario Dawson -- Sleeves or no sleeves? Asymmetrical or not? Rhinestones or flashy color? Rosario couldn't make up her mind and chose a dress with everything.

Mariah Carey -- Even Chanel can't cure this calamity.

The Winner: Mariah Carey

Don't Come Back Until You Fire Your Stylist

The nominees:

Pam Anderson -- Were her breasts in mourning?

Mariah Carey -- The Emancipation of Mimi's mammaries.

Drew Barrymore -- The fit, the color, the hair, the makeup -- in need of fashion rehab.

Winner: A second victory, albeit dubious, for Mariah Carey.

Fashion Faux Pas Gone Right?

Matching your dress to your earrings to your eyeliner is definitely a don't, but green-eyed goddess Evangeline Lilly's '80s prom homage to emerald was more fab than flop.

The Hottest Couple

The nominees:

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe

Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams

Zach Braff and Mandy Moore

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick

Penelope Cruz and Matthew McConaughey

The winners: Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe. It's not just how they looked but how they interacted. Finally, a Hollywood couple in love.

No-Contest Awards

THE ANNA NICOLE SMITH AWARD: Pam Anderson's presentation.

THE "I CAN READ, REALLY" AWARD: Jamie Foxx announces nominee "Laura Linley." John Travolta announces nominee "Pierce Bronson."

BEST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: It's a tie! -- Hugh Laurie and Geena Davis.

Behind-the-Scenes Buzz Notes

Overheard … in all seriousness: "There might be a fashion emergency. … We're hearing something's wrong with Sandra Oh's dress, but it's not confirmed."

"It took Eva Longoria three hours to get ready."

Leading up to the arrivals, the red carpet was vacuumed every 10 minutes. Red carpet props were still being painted an hour before arrivals. Mini bottles of Moet were passed out on the red carpet once arrivals began. They're served with special, little plastic funnels placed in the top so you could drink from the bottle without actually drinking from the bottle. … It's oh-so-much classier.

The red carpet sheds! There were fuzzies on dresses, handbags, microphones, cameras, etc.

Red carpet factoid: Reportedly 60 square miles of brand-new red carpet was used for the event.

What about the men? Donald Sutherland wore opera pumps, the ultimate in formal elegance, even if they are patent-leather slippers with grosgrain bows; Laurie was the dark horse Hollywood heavyweight, with classic elegance to match; all men who wear black (or dark) shirts and ties with their tuxes should be banned from the carpet; Kevin Bacon gets the award for coolest guy on the carpet; Russell Crowe gets most-improved award; and, what happened to the bow tie??? Please bring it back!