Telling Kids About Cancer
June 25 -- When a parent has cancer, one of the toughest parts of the fight goes on at home, where mom or dad must decide what to tell the children.
Good Morning America's Entertainment Editor Joel Siegel successfully fought off colon cancer several years ago. He now has cancer in the lungs — a metastasis of the original colon cancer, not new cancer — and he will have surgery to have the spots of cancer removed. Siegel wanted to know what — if anything — he should tell his 3-year-old son Dylan about his battle with cancer.
Parenting contributor Ann Pleshette Murphy spoke to some children whose parents have cancer, and advised Siegel and other parents to talk to their children about what they are going through.
"It is so natural for parents to want to protect their kids," Murphy said. "What happens is [kids] think it's their fault."
Even young children should know what is going on, as tough as it is to tell them, and they should be assured that they are not to blame, Murphy said. One teen said it was important that he find out as much as he could about his mom's cancer.
"Tell your kid what is going on and everything that you know and all the consequences because a kid's imagination wanders on and they, you know they worry about a bunch of things," said Ted Sommers, 16. "And they will think the worst all the time."
Center of Their Universe
Upon hearing the news, though, each child has a different reaction, ranging from ignoring it to getting angry, Murphy found.
"I used to just pretend that she didn't have cancer and I felt happy," said Kaitlyn Pavia, 7, of her mother.
"I thought I'd die if I touched her or gave her a hug," said Kirsten Sommers, 12, Ted's younger sister.
"Some kids, they get really mad at themselves because they think it's their fault, but it really isn't," said Andrew Pavia, 10.
Parents should remember that they are at the center of their child's universe, Murphy said.
A change of appearance, or the inability to do what they used to do can shake up a child's world. Ted Sommers remembers his shock when his mother's hair fell out due to chemotherapy.
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