EXCERPT: 'Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid'

Sept. 11, 2009— -- Comedy writers and real-life couple Howard J. Morris and Jenny Lee use their own relationship to describe the insanity of women and the stupidity of men in their new book, "Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid: The Simple Truth to a Complicated Relationship."

After offering the reasons behind men's stupidity and women's craziness around men, Morris and Lee follow up with the ways both sexes can control their impulses and live together happily. With wit and an engaging he said/she said approach, the couple offers a relationship guide that is candid, funny and down-to-earth.

Read an excerpt of the book below, and head to the "GMA" Library for more good reads.

Edited for strong language.

Which Came First? The Crazy or the Stupid?

The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. -- GEORGE CARLIN

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. -- W. C. FIELDS

I drove a woman to an ashram once. And when I say "drove" I don't mean in a car. And when I say "ashram" I do mean one of those places where you renounce sex and all your worldly possessions and chant "om shanti om" all day.

I drove her to an ashram. Where she lived for a good many years.

According to her I drove her crazy.

And when she says "drove her crazy" she doesn't mean that she was French, we made love by the Seine, and she squealed, "Oooh la la, monsieur! You drive me craaaazeee!" She means it more like "Hello? Insane asylum? Have a padded room and a straitjacket ready. I'll be there by three."

And she wasn't French.

Whether it was really me that drove her crazy or whether she was prone to crazy to begin with is a question we spent a lot of time debating. Perhaps it was just an unfortunate combination of the two. But as my friend Stephen said to me at the time, "I'm gonna give you a bye on this one. But if your next girlfriend ends up moving to an ashram, I'm gonna know it's you." Well, I'm happy to note that none of my subsequent girlfriends (or one ex-wife) have moved to an ashram. At least not yet. But in an informal survey of these women one consistent theme emerges: my stupidity. And when they say "stupidity" it's not my lack of knowledge of state capitals that they're referring to, but more a kind of cluelessness they felt I showed in dealing with them. And their needs. In the end, they maintain it was my stupidity that drove them crazy. Which is interesting, because I always felt that it was their craziness that drove me stupid.

But that's just the problem, isn't it? So what's the answer?

Which came first, the crazy or the stupid?

It's the million-dollar question we all want the answer to. Are women crazy because men are stupid? Or are men stupid because women are crazy? Not surprisingly, the way we answer these two questions divides us quite neatly along gender lines. Because let's face it, we all have a lot invested in the answer. Women maintain that over the course of their lives they are driven slowly and methodically crazy by stupid men. And men maintain that it's impossible for any man to act smartly with a woman who's out of her freaking mind. If we can just prove one came first, the other side will have blaming rights for all eternity.

If only it were that simple.

Yes, there is an answer to which came first, the stupid or the crazy.

And the answer is here.

But I warn you, it offers only cold comfort to all you potential gleeful blamers. As in chemistry, every action causes a reaction, which in turn causes another reaction. Stupid causes crazy, which causes more stupid, which then results in more crazy, and so on. Only by going back and tracing the tortured and confused history of men acting stupid and women acting crazy from its very beginnings can we begin to fully understand the origins of insanity in the age of stupidity. Or the origins of stupidity in the age of insanity.

And as for blaming rights, don't worry, there's plenty to go around.

THE MYSTERY SOLVED

The history of men acting stupid is a long and varied one that always ends up with some idiot starting another war. But modern male stupidity as it applies specifically to women is far more interesting and relevant to our purposes. It actually has its roots in the playgrounds of our youth. It was there that we first became aware of girls. It was also there that we first realized that we liked these strange creatures. They made us feel funny. But good funny. A kind of warm and gushy funny. Of course in those early years it wasn't acceptable to talk about these new feelings with our peers for fear we'd get rightly harangued about the dangers of cooties. But still, we wanted this five-year-old ponytailed goddess to know that we had a thing for her. So what did we do?