If you want to embark on a true friendship with your former man, you're going to have to accept all aspects of his current life -- including Miss Right Now. That doesn't mean you have to go to dim sum with the two of them every Saturday, but you should aim to meet her in a neutral, low-stress scenario. Plan to meet up at a mutual friend's party (bring backup if necessary). Chances are you'll probably like her -- he always did have good taste in women. If you truly can't handle it, you should probably rethink your "friendship." Do you really want to be friends, or are you waiting around hoping for more? If it's the latter, graciously suggest you two take a break for a little bit.
You want to date your friend's ex.
This is an area in which to tread lightly. Always ask your friend's permission before dating her ex, even if the ex in question is a guy she made out with ten years ago at a rock show. And respect her response, even if you consider it illogical. If you decide you can't live without the love of her college ex-boyfriend and she wants you to keep your mitts off, you will quite possibly sacrifice your friendship if you go ahead with the guy.
Likewise, if she wants to date your ex, you're justified in being upset if she doesn't consider your feelings first. If the dude in question is a recent ex, someone she knew only as your man, you're justified in thinking she's bananas (and a bad friend to boot) for making the request. However, if she asks for your blessing to date an ex you no longer have feelings for, even if it gives you a pang of possessiveness, you may want to relent if you think the two crazy kids could make a go of it. It's just good man karma.
Your boyfriend's ex wants to be BFFs with him.
It's natural to want your man's ex to be firmly out of the picture, but try to keep things in perspective. Yes, they have shared experiences that lend themselves to friendship, but remember that there's a reason they're not still together. Don't be concerned if he has a casual drink with an ex or if mutual friends bring you into the same social circle. On the other hand, if they have unresolved issues or argue about their former relationship, put your foot down. You're not an extra in their traveling show. Suggest that they spend some time apart from each other until the emotions cool.
You have a stalker or obsessive ex.
First, tell him in no uncertain terms to leave you alone. If he persists, start keeping track of every call and visit and save voice messages from him. Tell security in your apartment building and at your office that you're being stalked and (if possible) give them a photograph of him. This is especially important if he is a recent ex whom they were used to waving through the door.
To get a restraining order you need to have proof that you are in physical danger from your stalker. The court will likely ask you specific questions about your interactions with him -- this is where your records come in handy. Once you've been issued a restraining order, keep a copy of it on you at all times and call the police if he violates the decree. In the meantime, have friends and family members walk you to your car at night and let your neighbors know what you are going through.
You haven't had sex in a really, really long time, and can't decide whether to break the seal or wait for love.