Excerpt: "Mother Warriors"

He woke up on Thursday morning and he had a sore throat and his voice was hoarse. He didn't have a fever but he sounded hoarse. But then later on in the day, he started to get a fever. And of course I went into panic mode, and jumped on the Motrin. Then his breathing was starting to sound funny. So the next day, I called Harry to tell him to come home because I want to take Elias to the hospital just to make sure he's not getting an infection or anything.

So we went to the hospital and checked in. We went into the waiting room, and he's having a blast, banging on the tables, running around, watching cartoons, playing with stuff. Harry showed up just as we were going into the examining room. They wanted to swab his throat to do a culture so Harry had to hold him to restrain him a bit. After they swabbed him the nurse walked out of the room and Elias started having a seizure in Harry's arms.

So I'm like, "oh shit" and run out to tell them he's seizing. He seizes for thirty seconds and stops. Then he has another one for thirty seconds and stops. Now he kicks into this full-blown thing. They're pulling him off the table and people were all going crazy and swarming the room trying to get the seizure to stop. Fifteen minutes of seizing had gone by and they are pumping in a kitchen sink full of drugs and I'm watching this, shaking, terrified. Then someone called the grief counselors for us and I start freaking out.

They had the respiratory guys in there bagging him, assisting his breathing. He was breathing on his own but he had a lot of the foam and they were suctioning it. And they just kept giving him all of these things.

I leaned down and kept talking to him. I tried my best to hold it together and kept saying to him, "Ok honey, stop, Mommy's here, stop." And they kept giving him stuff and it just wasn't working.

I'm looking at the clock thinking, "ok, it's been 45 minutes," and I'm screaming, "Do something! Come on! What's next?"

They're saying, "Okay we're doing this, we're doing that." Then they hooked him up with Phenobarbital and if this didn't work they were going to have to put him in a coma. So, they gave him the Phenobarbital, and his heart rate continued to be really really really high the whole time. Really high.

So they gave him the second Phenobarbital to induce coma and you could see his seizures start to slow down. Then all of a sudden they look at his heart rate and it comes flying down. The nurse shouted at my husband and me to get out! They literally kicked us out of the room. As we staggered out, we saw the crash cart being wheeled in.

I went numb. We could hear what they're saying about his blood pressure and everything else because we're standing right outside of the room. It was at that moment I had a feeling he wasn't going to make it.

We then heard them shout, "He went into cardiac arrest." Everyone began to frantically work on him to resuscitate him. I couldn't believe this was happening. Then they got him back, but then he crashed again, and they got him back, and he crashed again.

My husband and I stood outside the room in shock at what was unfolding in front of us. People were walking by staring at the room as they passed us like they were all stopping to watch a car accident on the side of the road. It bothered me so much. I was in so much pain.

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