Fran Harris from Dallas, Texas, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read her application below!
I'm GMA's Ultimate Advice Guru because I've made my living for the past 10 years as a speaker and life coach helping individuals, families, teams, universities and companies become peak performers and high functioning humans. From couples on the brink of divorce, fighting siblings, corporate back biting, fitness, to simple dating common sense -- I've honestly done it all -- and mostly on TV. ...My background is rich and diverse -- WNBA & NCAA Champion, fitness expert/trainer, teen sports coach, relationship coach, teambuilding expert, conflict resolutionist, entrepreneur, former Fortune 100 sales executive and avid blogger. I'm natural on camera, bold, sensible and confident in my advice, yet completely in tune with how to keep people engaged while giving them tough medicine. I'm quick and witty, direct in my communication but never disrespectful. And while I'm the one giving the advice, I never lose sight of the fact that it ain't about me. I am focused and committed to measurable results.... I'm extremely well-versed in the Internet, social media and community building, which means that I know how to create synergy between what we do on-air and the web in a big way -- and it goes beyond Twitter & Facebook. Finally, I guarantee that with me as your Advice Guru, we'll not only have a blast but also plenty of interactive tracking tools to measure my effectiveness, you know, so ABC can be sure that my million dollar salary is well-deserved.
What's the best advice you have ever given? What was the result?
Don't make your stuff about the person you're having the problem with. Our experience -- whatever we're feeling about or towards a situation or person -- is about US, not them. This realization changed my life...and has transformed my clients' lives, marriages, businesses, families and relationships. The common behavior is to blame people for the way we feel. When we can ask ourselves why we're feeling the way we're feeling and share from that place, we'll be better equipped to have healthier relationships with everyone. The result is that I now have more open, transparent relationships with people because I'm not always trying to make them wrong or the fall guy for my insecurities and shortcomings.
What would you tell this person: "Whenever there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me, my husband refuses to stand up for me. How do I get him to value our relationship more than the one with his mother?
Don't. Trying to get your husband to put you before his mother will only lead to more hurt feelings and unnecessary drama. A healthier approach is to sit him down in a non-threatening, non-judging setting and share how his behavior impacts you and your relationship. In other words, rather than saying, "I hate it when you take your Mom's call when we're in the middle of dinner," try something like, "Honey, our family time is very important to me. Can we agree that all non-emergency calls can wait until after we've had our dinner?" Boom! You haven't made a demand, you haven't thrown any daggers, you haven't accused him of being a bad guy. You've simply made a request that started with a statement of affirmation about what's important to you. The goal is to create consensus not alienation.