Conflicts on Raising Kids? How to Talk to Your Parents About Your Style, Values

How to talk to your parents about your way of raising the kids.

ByABC News via logo
November 8, 2009, 5:42 PM

Aug. 4, 2010 — -- Parents try to pass down their values to their children, but what happens when your parents' values are different from the ones you're trying to teach your children?

Amy Goyer is AARP's family expert, and she appeared on "Good Morning America" today to talk about how people can handle disagreements that may arise when their parenting styles and values differ from those of their own parents.

Goyer, a columnist for AARP.org and the author of "Things to Do Now That You're a Grandparent," said that sometimes parents, rather than grandparents, were more conservative about disagreements with children.

You may want your children to make political or religious choices that differ from those your parents made. If you're going to talk to your parents about this, be careful. Goyer said you should be aware that the issues can be very emotional, and conversation can develop into damaging fights.

Don't alienate your parents, she said.

In order to keep any drama out of the conversation, make it clear that you are not trying to change your parents' values.

Don't try to convince them that you are right and they are wrong, but start off by agreeing to disagree, she added.

Be matter of fact in your tone, and ask them to respect your wishes.

Parents have the right to set boundaries for their children, and grandparents need to respect those boundaries, Goyer said.

Do not cut grandparents off from their grandchildren, she said. The more loving adults in their lives, the more children benefit, she added.

Click HERE to visit ABC's resource page for information and advice about how you can talk to aging parents about assisted living, health, driving and other issues.