Teaching Kids How to Cope With Your Job Loss

April 17, 2008 — -- More than 1.7 million parents have lost their jobs this year, and while unemployment is undeniably stressful for adults, it can be even scarier for their kids.

Parents must decide how to tell their children or whether to tell them at all.

Julie and Chris Mitchell worked for the Gildan Activewear plant in Moira, N.Y., until the factory moved its operations overseas. They lost their jobs on the same day in August — eight very long months ago.

"I just didn't know what we were going to do after the factory closed, what kind of work we were going to do or how we were going to support the kids we have at home," Chris said.

The Mitchells told their three daughters -- 9-year-old Cheyenne, 7-year-old Tyra and 5-year-old Christa -- about their situation right away.

"We sat them all down at the table," Chris said. "They are young, but they are kind of old enough to understand."

"My little one said, 'You will find another job, Dad, in a day. Tomorrow you'll go back to work,'" Julie said.

Because even very young children can sense change and pick up on their parents' stress, communication is key.

If the kids aren't told what's going on, they will fill in the blanks — often blaming themselves for a parents' unhappiness. Of course, even when their parents provide calm and reassuring explanations, young children find any major change stressful.

"When they lost their job, I felt a little bit scared," Christa said.

Worrying about bills and the cost of food, gas and other necessities has also taken its toll on the Mitchells.

"It's wondering when the next paycheck's coming in to get the girls what they need," Julie said.

Since Chris and Julie lost their jobs, the family has had to deal with the tension of being together 24/7.

"I spend quite a bit of time with the kids now. Sometimes the kids aggravate me; my fuse is much shorter," Chris said.

Psychologist Rebecca Shahmoon Shanok counsels families struggling with unemployment. She says kids often fail to understand why they can't get something they want -- a challenge Julie and Chris find particularly heartbreaking.