Therapist and author Bonnie Eaker Weil, the author of "Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker," a book about how money can influence relationships, answered "Good Morning America's" viewer questions on the subject. Check out her tips and responses below.
1. Gaze into each other's eyes (for at least 20 seconds).
2. Kiss for 30 seconds minimum to stimulate the immune system and increase oxytocin (the cuddle hormone for bonding).
3. Cuddle in bed for 20 seconds when you wake up and go to sleep for a dopamine rush to feel better.
4. Use tender words, compliments (verbal aphrodisiacs) daily.
5. Hold hands.
7. Remember you can get through this if you don't shame or blame.
8. Give the men plenty of "time outs."
9. Safety through the money love language will foster love, bonding and financial fidelity! It will increase passion through conflict if you "fight fair" instead of shaming and blaming.
10. Men cannot ignore you, and must get back to you with 24 hours with answers.
He can't pay it, he is taking money from his cards and paying his bills, but now he doesn't have money anymore, all his credit card limits decreased, some banks even closed his accounts. And I know that this situation is damaging my marriage, even my kids. I can't do anything, we don't have money, and I don't know what to do. Even for my kids I can't buy whatever they want, every time when we go to store, I have to tell them that I don't have money. Please, I am asking you your help, help me, give us some advice, I would say my husband needs more advice, he never listens to me.
Your husband may have a gambling problem or he may be living above his means. Since he never listens to you, he is "taking you out" because he thinks it will "all work out somehow." He has been hedging his bets until the credit cards dried up.
You need to sit down in a calm, safe way. I advocate "Fighting Fair" with my money love language dialogue since language can be wounding and then men tune out and ignore you and if you yell they shut down and close up more so.
Make an appointment
1. Ask him to sit down, look him in the eye, put on that emotional bullet-proof vest so you don't judge him.
2. Tell him you love him, you're here to help, not shame him or blame him; and to come up with solutions.
3. Talk about creative ways to pay off credit cards (find jobs for either or both of you).
4. A debt agency that can help you lower the interest rates and maybe bargain with the creditors as well as helping you create a budget. A different voice usually works, not yours.
5. Have a talk with your husband about whether he feels hopeless that his income was not enough so he overspent.
6. Pull together out of love, not anger. There is help to solve this.
Please ask your husband to hang this on the refrigerator so he can avoid "bad money behaviors." This will prevent you "nagging him" and he being accountable and taking responsibility for his actions and stopping these "bad money behaviors" before they occur.
I was intently listening to the couple you just had on discussing finances. My husband and I were having a "budget" conversation just yesterday. Like your couple, I fall into the majority of women who worry more than my husband as I am the saver and he is the spender. (Although he would disagree with you!)