Transcript for 'Motivated' podcast: Do you have a healthy relationship with food?
There were here this afternoon with Brad lamm does and I guess I'm really been looking forward to speaking went. He's an author he's a teacher he's an interventionist and he's the founder of the breathe life healing center rink into what they do there a lot more thank you for being here. Your welcome. It was such a heartfelt and sort of nervous when I walked in my ears were red and three on outside your New York so. I was walking in I was excited to meet you but also slightly so I'm so excited. Talk to you because you're an expert on something that has affected my life probably more than anything house which is. Disordered eating you know. This show this podcast is not about weight loss a lot of people think that it is it is not it is about getting to a healthy place in your relationship with food. And learning to love and be excited about exercise your body can do. I can't tell you how many people I talk to you who have a disordered relationship with you it is now. Myrna number one problem in America why we don't want to talk about it well two thirds of America is overweight or obese and even ten people tell me. Even who then people. We'll say enemy I had well terrible relationship with it fair enough but then that person is often restricting. So but I just eyeballing it. The you do you don't get on the plane or go to Ramallah think oh my god there's so many thousand people I find it's a travel we're getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And the shame that surrounds the conversation matter most and member relations which which is food. We're not having. So what do you see in your practice talked about the breed like killing center and what you guys do around the issues years ago why come from. Home my mother father never tasted I'll call levered memories drug is that your for. Now but I'm I'm clean and sober almost fifteen years. But think you. My last and slammed so I was like literally I had lamb and spam and my father was a preacher and by. My mother. Was had an eating disorder and she was a laxative the limit for thirty years we knew and when it Wallace. But three out of four of us boys four boys and apparently grew up to have disordered eating. And so it was something it was cellular molecular for me and I attended a like amphetamines. Beacon news it is. Helps enter up to a select cigarettes for the same reason. Although I don't I haven't smoked for many many years but. The that hold chewed those things to minimize my. Vacuum approach to eating historically. Was was in my DNA. And so from from that system I sprang and it's had a passion about it I I got. I serve in my own journey into. Recovery fifteen years ago and was also believe nick and was supposed to beater in polemic. And so it was in that period was fifteen Summers ago right now that I started. Having the internal dialogue about. Well something I don't need to be afraid of are ashamed of and might I actually say it out loud that I'm dying from my food over here now it's stopped math. He's in Ritalin and Ater all and then finally I was using a lot of math I was a weatherman and Washington DC it Bucs fell in. Lost that job missed my my life I really struggled and and so I was getting a lot better. The yet the most fundamental thing a ball that I would do three to five times a day heat. Right and it was I was in a lot of pain I was really in a lot of emotional and spiritual pain over. That fundamental relationship with me you know I had a dog called bandit. I just Gunter a break up and and here I was at my food and it was in that period that I serve really. That's developed a hunger for discovery around what was at the root of and that led to Iowa you know led to lot of stuff but it is led to me getting healthier but it also led to me trying to help other people on that round and I. Remember clears day I had attic I know 00 preferred years and years since I was in college and I. And I were to Warner Bros. when I was in college and her film a color purple the color purple was was there. And so I have friendship with turn intimacy and I remember saying back during that period is that do you think that you're addicted. Multitudes. Well I'm certainly addicted to chipper mama sugar. And she citizen joke none as a joke now. But. As I mind the conversation I mean I wanted to know well OK given that what might you do to change that it had lasting change around it. And she said I think it's have to make appear mom and and and then that became began a conversation that led to a doctor series called addicted to food that I created produced for her. And and then I wrote a book called just ten pounds in that was through a lot of work on the doctor on Russia to help. Create the conversation on food and say let that it's killing us why not talk about it and we don't have to be Graham about it we can actually have a lovely conversation sleeper. A lot of people Val and a Catholic this is changed a little bit before a lot of people the idea that you can be addicted to food is absurd. And it's absurd even to people who are food addicts it's not something that we think about as an addictive substance. So what I mean by that is. When I was in my most disordered eating face. Am I had binge eating disorder. It was not diagnose the time because it was not the guys and eating disorder at the time I used to wasn't in the Bible was and the Bible I used to make his joke. That I have half of an eating disorder that I know how to bend but not hurt I didn't know how much truth was in that joke but I was describing. My life. And at that time I was no different than any other addict who is at rock bottom I would eat four hours. And it was always you know junk sugar and high fat and I would go home to myself please stop and that it would go back out and get more and it just was like I could not get control of the beast. Act that time I never thought I was addicted to food it didn't seem like it was something that you could be addicted to. Well it's those very controversial in the in the realm of behavior health have you ever had an eating disorder therapist on your show now. A case of get this this gonna blow your mind reading so let's go to an eating disorder conference the biggest one in the comp. Country we show up and we want to talk about food addiction and you know why. They will treat us like we are. Interloper from Pluto. Honestly they will want to talk about anorexia and believe Meehan. Just now they'll be open document binge eating but they don't want to talk about the impact of sugar in the brain. And how is it creates a compellent. Decree to compelling obsession right. Aunt and so even in my world. That I doing behavior health where there's a split between the therapists that say I'm opener curious that it might be possible. That food addiction exist. And other other people will will shout you down I've seen I seen speakers at conferences where. People are interrupted. And by -- people much smarter than me that have credentials that. It would seem. That they might be curious are warm no but. It's in the infant in infancy really that treating of those who are. You know we it's easy to say people that are overweight but it's not all binge eaters are overweight it's often neo yes cycle of binge and then restrict engine or. Allison did know that he so what does the research tell us about whether or not food compete. Not everyone who's have been Jeter. Is addicted to food. Most aren't not everyone who's a food addict is overweight. Not everyone who's old pieces of binge eater. He really you need it you need a good assessment other assessments can you take a test on line here so he needed disorder specialist historically the Yale eating disorder are you familiar with. So that scale used for a binge eater is really not useful but. But that the approach to treating them then Jeter it's really in its infinite in infancy so when I was doing addicted to food. A went to and he disorder program in Arizona that I use for anorexic some blowing its and I said. I want to help this population. And nobody's treating that population this is eight years ago and they said. Okay will work with you on it and so we created an approach that was. It was it was crafted out of the dirt then. But with an eye collaborated with very Smart people Steve doctor Steve carp one of the best eating disorder positions in the country and a psychiatrist. He was involved debt Hughes was involved and but it was really was from the ground up how might we help. This population because there was so little help available we're tons of die a box. We're obsessed but that you know the gain in -- cycle is something anybody who shows dude is intimately. Knowledgeable Greta also kills like you know. These days people are changing in that there's a lot more body acceptance and there's much more of a movement towards wellness as opposed to end that's. And that part of that wellness is a freedom from the torture. Of food. A lot of people dealing with food multiple times a day is it to. Torturous experience do you have scaling your house yes and we myself everyday Ecstasy. These some people some therapists would say he must not have a scale. And they'll they'll lose their mind if they wouldn't he fears Skelton you're not doing and we needed to the thing that is most important. Is I do not want you to get on that scale it just seemed different approaches. I have a scale. And do you Ayers. In. Once a month I guess I weighed myself this morning Kazan knows it's re pleased. It's into seeing instead a higher number. And I thought it was and then I stepped up and got back on. And it was the number at that it would be like 184 okay. I hate and inconsistently Taylor really pisses me on and I did it again and the second win again but. For anyone who doesn't struggle with food or wait they have no idea. The importance. Of that number. On the scale absolutely but so in ninety pounds heavier that richer highway that was nice and and to be clear I was pregnant. That was the weight my highest way I want to the hospital to give birth to my daughter. And you're right calf triplets and right now sadly there was just one baby incinerated deeper now with a lot of the baby weight so forty pounds that was being UEFA and fifty pounds and it was so I started my pregnancy fifty pounds a delicious saying the want the beautiful woman. That I'm looking at right now. He editor top weight not navy cadets in criminal and fifty pounds heavier. So when it was 190 your liver was different your heart was different. The way that we carry weight impacts everything not only how we feel how we parent how we look how we want apps acts Howard drives work. But it also in or else the god given rituals or universe given rituals that we have to beat ourselves. So it creates this lack of momentum as we get heavier and it's. It's I think of it it's like sloth like behavior that's the bigger you get the slower you get so. It makes me crazy when we talk about. The acceptance of fat because. I'm all for accepting where we are. In a moment. And considering are getting curious about getting better. If famine and disease state where it's gonna keep the facts and the pacing me that's gonna kill me I would challenge a person to let's talk about how we can get better. But the acceptance of a disease state I'm not for that. But for someone who says okay my goal it may be to lose weight it may not be to lose weight in my primary goal here the healthier awesome but also freedom. Because that to me has been the greatest gift is not smaller close its freedom from the torture of the daily minute to minute torture that I experienced. Over then I heard you say a year earlier. Not today whose lives in relation to muffin but he's he said that was some version of self talk. Do you look at things like that when you are tempted or your eyes take you to a place where you think I think that's not going to be a loving decision that. That was a moment of weakness I mean I was having a debate in my mind to a one and we end to fill people and is the conversation that we were having before we went on the air. Is that yes I know my. I. I don't myself if the -- presented to stay away from my drug of choice is baked goods and I cannot control myself ram them. And I was having an emotional morning and I stopped the but he and I was debating whether an Allentown them off the record does not in New York bodega. Is that corner market and it has lots of cheap baked good. And sometimes this gets straightened out earlier my catcher and a so come and did the debate was to do I want to do this on this quick temporary comfort or. Do I want to just plow through and I and I think you know it's not really worth and it feels so lousy afterwards it just gonna make my emotional experience worse over right now I'm gonna pass. And that was that's it whenever an upset my first go to place its food I have this conversation with myself every time I'm upset. I'm out this will honor it is that you have a similar experience. So how freedom mine was triggered by the thought of them often. Right like there was two minutes a moment. I was still back at them often but isn't that a sign of if someone said well he's out of an object. It's it's is on ES it's a sign of a problem but it's also. A baseline for action. He if you can identify problem it gives you the wonderful opportunity for a solution and I think there. There are solutions ethnic with food though it's really hard to sell because people believe have a hard time integrating. Ritual of self care around food into their dated lives now you describe a lot of different types of the common problem eaters. You know they emotionally and spiritually well I think we look back that's. And a great idea to. Opt in and and discover what kind of leader you are because if you of the language for like when you walked into the store this morning and he said. And that muffin as talking to me. Then self talk probably took you to place you're on the food from a committee that today him and walk out on the recognize I'm an honor myself and know that sensitive a problem for me and I'm not gonna do it. Similarly to check this out. A year ago. And my a my father passed away we went to my. Father's funeral and my brother Greg got very sick to come to the hospital turned that he had stage four cancer. What a surprise right 57 Arab guys total sweetheart. Nothing worked couldn't figure out exactly. What type that was an it was such if such a shame that we thought. We're gonna lose them right. But we didn't yet know what kind it Wallis so was this conundrum the mystery of what's killing rhetoric. And finally we got we got his samples this memorial Sloan Kettering. They tested and they came activists good news. It is this kind and there's a new drug if we treated 5% chance that it'll cure you but also make you even sicker more and I I counseled to myself. It's ups to. But we had to answer what do was and he took the leap and decided take take take the advice that doctor he simple remission now I. He literally we went out and said are good byes to Greg and but that. Important piece of information with Greg lamb wants he with the help of others discovered what it was it was Killen. While it wasn't. That over there or this over here it was this exact thing and if we know what it is and it goes to what type of leader you are to commuter plan. It's good information date on which to base a plan. So that in than year. Addressing your responding to a actual fact rather than going and I can't keep the weight off to describe the different kinds of eaters. Well one is an emotional later I would say that's that's what most people who struggle with food world. They'll describe themselves as the emotional into the per person that. Win their heart hurts when their spears it is out of sorts win name. I'll I'll use the term dis regulated. Meant. They turned from. And when they make a decision to turn to food everything changes even before they put through their mouth. As an as a release you know there's and even if you say I'm gonna go shopping in an hour and get that thing that is going to suit me. You're saying she hated for a time and then you go get it in your city issues began in the dope I mean is released and your body knows what's straight ahead. So don't opening can be released prior. See you actually absolutely that's interesting because once oh in in my experiences once I've made the decision to have a binge I feel better. Then I start to feel relief. Even before you put an in your mouth and it's with that decision you start the bends it's not. When you put the food in your mouth it's with the decision you start the balance of if you're emotional eater knowledge is power if you know and you can own I get this regulated. And I want to eat and it suits me that's powerful information. Because they're like an attempt attempt to work on like I would say tock to read a book about relational trauma. See why. Emotional binges or say she had to buy food because that's a specific thing and that's a lot of us. And it's it's not just the things that happen to us but the things that didn't happen to us. The neglect with which we retreated Agassi talk and emotionally don't know much earlier that's when that that is the most Americans it's a struggle with her food it is in part tied to emotions aggressive to free yourself from that you have to do what learn how to process your Russians and and nonfood way. Yes but and hard well known as hard as it it looks though because honestly. Read about that there's a wonderful approach to complex -- healing that's base and I FS which is internal and we systems and if you know anything about their PC BT is the big and therapy that's used in groups the last 3040 years. And it's what insurance pays for the there's an evidence based approach to called that's a drop and the systems it's little more difficult to use. For therapists use it's really impact apple. If it's grated impacting the impact. In helping with the impact them relational trauma in our bodies because we carry just like I carried ten pounds fatter on my belly. I Kyrie relational trauma in my central nervous system and that impacts the decisions I make with how. I wanna feel better I was talking there's a great cardiologist in LA called Richard Carlsberg and our stock from him about last week I said. Of the you're our patients. Who are The Who gave your speech about if you don't change the way your eating. You are gonna die we just put by extensive and if you don't changes you're gonna die and has say. I say ice he 'cause I got to see him give that speech to someone. Content you're an interventionist. You're amazing you save lives every day I say what percentage of those that you give that speech you'll actually. Take the lifestyle intervention changes that you're suggesting and run with access 1020%. That you have the majority. Choosing their food. Over them. I with and yes and I think it also illustrates how hard it is to change our relationship with them but it's doable. Okay but I want to give people hope I also want to move to aid these other categories lets it. Even at time the so let's quickly talk about what the other categories are. And give people real well strategy. If I don't I look rabbit hole it's it's taught patent most of them are. Emotional leaders is the largest category and what's essential leader. Is another group says that's her sensual. That's for the person who is not. Food addicted doesn't have an eating disorder. But they consistently well over feeder make unhealthy choices because they're they're really into the art and the beauty of the essence of that sauce or done. Heritage of that meat and Levin's and I must you know. Now that's not who do agree I think you have habitual eaters and that's just more Perrier you do have habitual leader would just be that person that's really been cycle that's a lot of people if your person that wakes up in the middle of the night and without thought. Talks to the dictatorships just as they are talking to you from the shelf and goes to them and devour some that's. That's a lot of people to. Often you'll see an emotional eater with a binge widow with their bit shall hear. Him to you can be more than one but. But it's it's good to know. How are you eat because if you don't like Fred a habitual leader one easy way to have new rituals around food is. Don't have to create a food desert for the foods that you've been done. Which has been my house and my two my flashlight kites and I came back nothing good they date yet. I came back from LA yesterday and I did. Delivery for last night so I get home. And I know that there's going to be good leavened food in my house I I think of it is garbage food or self love food really viewed as through that could greatly itself but it's not bad food or good food it's either. Food that nature intended for meaty or crime permanent permanent adopt that south of garbage because I don't likely than it is good or bad either I I am I an amended as productive or not protect. Why try to teach people to do just have a love senator diet if you can in include self love in your plan. That's a great star. Frank I agree it you don't have to load yourself to want to change or get better. And start a place of some nutritionists though want you do desert challenge is in the you'll want to give you ice cream and cakes and see how you feel I would say if you if years. It if you're aware of what you're binges are are trigger foods are so can you put and keep them on the shelf for house. For the what do you what con ourselves. What's your best advice for people who say have a problem of food I think about it obsessively I regret the choices that I made I'm always trying to diet might try to make up for some indulgence who are just in this cycle of torture with food. Well. Don't let exercise. Be your default because you'll never get ahead if that becomes the thing. And then connect. This is one thing I would suggest that people do it doesn't cost a thing you can downloaded for free well I'll give me the link to. That you can download a workbook for my book just ten pounds in if you put pen to paper and our. Thoughtful about doing a little work treat it like a class the class where you want to get better being news. Put pen to paper for thirty days that's all it is and it's a chance to become more aware I I find it people are. If I can help a person become curious to learn a little bit more about themselves to be healthier. Mrs. crow bar. We don't know live oh. I Abbott people are still making choices that nurture like them to veto pen to paper so great this morning nice and I did in my iPad now but it's lying there aren't that he's a little apple pencil on night irate every morning and I. I find that that connection is a really powerful one and creating new reachable. Rituals around food. It's on. If we've become. More intentional about how many while my approaches an coping strategies for when. You wanna go to the dark place when you you know want to barriers sorrows and Tampa by noon. Via outs I'll say this you know there's nothing like. Peer to peer support. Now we do together we can alone and thing as a notion. That that's one thing that helps Lotta people sell I'm a fan. They're all different kinds of food support groups but. Weight Watchers as a food support group but so is a way and so is its end in LA there's a prop popular program called see how that's composed of leaders announced. But the value of those programs is eager to sit in a room occasionally. And get support from other people with him you share an understanding and a common common enemy if you will witches. The harm I do myself with the so I looked peer to peer support I think there's nothing like it in some churches have celebrate recovery is part of their. Work too and so very recovery has language for getting healthier with their with your food. The the that's one idea and appeared appears sport plus it didn't cost anything and advice. On getting back up after you've fallen down so a lot of us are very rigid and our ideas that what we should be eating and when we have a slip. That day can turn into week two weeks almost summer. And we're just too ashamed not ten days to him and up Villa last Tuesday sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't hurt do you think there has widened. And you land in a ditch. You know some people would be punitive but I've I've really found. The best motivation. Is self talked it's encouraging that is lacking in chain. In the practice of self talk around re starting. You know there's no shame in. Failure and certainly with food. Around which we don't have the same kind of since Ivan Ivan done method fifteen years I get it I get a prize right to do you know it's awesome. And and and that now Brad thank you for being here Brad -- where can people find more information you norte. Well you can find me a Brad lamm dot com and TL AM and or. Google me look a brief like peeling center of the largest acute care. Program. That is treating binge eaters and those that really struggle with the eating disorders and Weezer trauma a focused sophisticated clinical program. And I'm really proud of that work of all the stuff I've done in my time I've ever real passion for people like my family and my mom. Receive news. Has struggled with who. And he can find out there Bradley am to him come and thank you Brad.
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