Mick Jagger Becomes Icon of Aged

L O N D O N , Aug. 23 -- Captain Calamity is at it again, The Independent writes. The self-styled seafarer who vowed to circumnavigate the British Isles after his Internet business sank keeps sailing into trouble.

In the latest of eight emergencies requiring the assistance of rescue services, Stuart Hill had to be airlifted from the hull of his overturned boat in a raging storm off the coast of Scotland.

His vessel, aptly named Maximum Exposure, has stayed in the headlines since he crashed into another boat only minutes after setting sail in May. The 14-foot craft assembled from a windsurfer and an old rowing boat then broke its mast and has also had to be towed to shore on several occasions.

The rescue services have so far spent $60,000 on the man who might soon be renamed Captain Compensation if some critics have their way and make him pay.

Ashes to Ashes

A high-class London apartment comes with a catch, The Sun revealed today. The previous owner, upon his deathbed, made sure he would never leave his much-cherished pad.

The late pensioner's ashes are listed as a condition of sale and are prominently displayed on the mantelpiece.

"I expect they will stay there as long as the flat remains standing," the estate agent dealing with the sale told the paper.

Future owners are not allowed to move the urn, but that doesn't seem to be deterring house-hunters.

"It's a fabulous place and I expect a quick sale," the estate agent said.

Rock Granddaddy

Veteran rocker Mick Jagger is being forced to act his age, the Daily Express writes.

In a turn of events that will have his publicists tearing their hair out, a magazine for seniors has put the Rolling Stone on its cover.

Although the rocker has dated a string of young models and has the child support bills to prove it, an interview purporting to be with him ran in Saga, a magazine with advertisements for retirement homes and non-slip bath mats.

"I can say categorically that Mick has not knowingly done an interview for them," an angry Jagger spokesman said.