Amy's Answers: 'I Don't Mind the Public Scrutiny'


Deenah in New York City writes: Hi Amy, when you were told by your date (the poker player) that he had cancelled another date to spend the evening with you, weren't you concerned that someday he might do the same thing to you? How did you feel about him telling you what he had done and telling you, on the second date, that he had been going on dates with other women? Good luck in your search!

Amy's answer: Thanks! I will need all the luck I can get. Well, in the first date, you may recall, that Chris tells me he is looking to settle down, so when he cancels the date with the other girl it just tells me that he feels the same connection with me that I feel with him. It was actually the right thing for him to do. Once you click with someone, why start another relationship? He would have been doing us both a disservice to have started dating us both seriously. I wanted a guy who was looking for the girl, not lots of them, so he had a point, have to go out with a lot of girls to find the find the right one, and when he thought he did, he stopped seeing the other women. I appreciated his honesty and his candidness.


David in California asks: Is the show 100 percent unscripted and uninfluenced by the producers? I have my air of skepticism about reality TV shows.

Amy's answer: First of all, this is not considered a reality TV show, it is a serious documentary which looks at the real life trials and tribulations of dating via the Internet. ABC News has very high standards about the documentaries they produce and they HAVE to adhere to them (or they will lose their jobs!). It is 100 percent unscripted and probably 90 percent uninfluenced by the cameras -- the producers do not influence anything, but having a camera in your face when you want to get pyhsical can be a little nerve racking so in that sense it does affect how we feel, but not really how we act on our feelings. I tried to control myself and filter myself sometimes, but trust me, the cameras followed me so much that eventually I forgot they were even there and just became myself. It is very real. A lot of what is thought, said and done has been edited out, but what you see is completely unscripted.


Ashley in Connecticut asks: I feel the same way you do about finding a guy. I'm 21 and I feel like I'm never going to find Mr. Right. Where do you think I should start looking?

Amy's answer: You have plenty of time, my dear. Just start going out with guys who you are interested it. Don't just go out with them because they are interested in you. Really, that is not enough of a reason to go out with them! Start online, this will help you organize your thoughts around what you are looking for and who you might be compatible with. Then after each relationship or failed date, ask yourself why it didn't work out and add that to your "preferred" list or to your own personal growth list. For example, if you are a morning person and he is a night owl, you may drive each other nuts because you wake up and want to start your day while he wants to stay out late partying when you are ready for bed. Decide what you can live with, compromise on etc, and if it turns out to be a deal-breaker, let him go.

I have all sorts of these things -- like I hate TV in the mornings and love country music, I hate rap and cigarettes so I just can't be with a guy who indulges in stuff that literally gets on my nerves. At the end of the day we are all looking for our life long best friends, so it nice to start by figuring out who we are so we can learn who we will be compatible with at the end of the day. You are 21, just take it easy and don't marry someone until you have spent a few years together because you will change a lot and if you marry someone before you have really grown up, you might end up choosing the wrong guy for you.


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