Romance and Rejection, Navigating the Social Scene Online

July 21, 2005 — -- They say that timing is everything in life -- and with Internet dating, good timing may be calculated at a rate faster than you can say, "would you like to go out with me?"

With thousands of potential dates to choose from and inboxes filling up with winks, messages and introductions, one delayed move can spell the end of a potential romance.

"If the person hasn't responded to your mail right away, you've written them off," said Connecticut-based businesswoman Sheila M. Welsh. "You don't have the chance to develop any relationship because 'forget you, I've got a whole pool to choose from.'"

Welsh learned that lesson the hard way. As a marketing executive who is frequently on the road, in between the great dates she's enjoyed, she's faced rejections by bachelors who considered her too slow in responding to their e-mails. "They don't want someone who isn't going to be there," said Welsh.

That type of snap decision can make online dating confusing for even the savviest of Web surfers, as singles sort between profiles and quickly decide if they will give a new suitor a chance for a romance.

"Yeah, you really have to develop a thick skin for this type of stuff if you're going to do a lot of it," said Baltimore resident Dan Binebrink. He's been online for six months, and wasn't prepared for the experience initially. "You'll send e-mails out to people and you'll never hear from them again, "said Binebrink. "It's hard to not take things personally sometimes."

With the ability to click through dozens of profiles in less than an hour, the swift technology that's helping people connect can also lead to missed opportunities, as decisions are made simply on one's presentation.

"I'm sure I've passed by a lot of guys … or they may have passed by me because I didn't look good in the picture," said 28-year-old Ruthie Kalai, who moved to New York City three years ago and has had mixed experiences online. She's had some great dates, but is concerned she would be able to better discern the appeal of a guy if she first met him in the real world.