Here's a roundup of the late night comics.
Jay Leno: To give you an idea how bad the economy is, Wall Street investors are now clinging to their guns and religion. That's how bad.
Conan O'Brien: Yesterday, President Bush telephoned both John McCain and Barack Obama to discuss the current financial crisis. Yeah, that's right. The entire conversation consisted of Bush yelling, "SUCKERS," and hanging up.
O'Brien: People Magazine apparently paid Clay Aiken $500,000 for the interview where he admits he's gay. $500,000, yeah. After hearing about it, the CEOs of Lehman Brothers and AIG announced they are also gay.
Leno: Here's the way a bailout works. A failed president and a failed Congress invest $700 billion of your money in failed businesses. Believe me, this can't fail.
David Letterman: We're learning more and more about Sen. John McCain. And apparently he has 13 cars. Yup, 13 cars. And he can't remember where he parked any of them.
Joe Biden: Barack Obama ain't taking my shotgun. So don't buy that Malarkey. I've got two. If he tried to fool with my barretta, he's got a problem.Jon Stewart: Two things. One, the barretta, I believe, is a handgun, not a shotgun. And two — and this may be more important — you appear to possibly be threatening gun violence against your own running mate.