Funnies: Down, Down, Dow

March 8, 2009 — -- Here's a roundup of the late-night comics.

Leno: We gave them $165 billion. Now we're giving them $30 billion. You know what AIG stands for? "and it's gone!"

Colbert: I get one of these every month from my broker, all right, this is looking okay. This is -- oh my god!! [portfolio bursts into flame].

Letterman: The guy is saying it's a good time to buy stocks. So here's what you do, instead of that latte you buy in the morning, pick yourself up a thousand shares of GM.

Leno: The Obama family finally getting their dog. Kevin: Oh, great. Jay: They're getting their dog, yeah. They say they're getting a Portuguese water dog. Kevin: Really? Jay: And today Rush Limbaugh said he hopes the dog fails!

Maher: No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday. Did you see that? Obama now has grey hair. Wow, now his hair isn't black enough!

Colbert: He got Sasha and Malia a new swing set on the South Lawn. Adorable. Jimmy, put this on a full frame. It's got a climbing wall, a tire swing and in the back there's a slide so you can pretend you're the Dow Jones index.