This Week's 'The List' -- Vegas Secrets

— A weekly feature on This Week.

Voices

India's new prime minister , Manmohan Singh, was sworn in on Saturday in New Delhi. Singh was given the job by Sonia Gandhi, who led the Congress Party to victory. She chose to serve her family, rather than her country.

Sonia Gandhi: "You have expressed your views, your pain, your anguish, at the decision I have taken. I am aware that I am causing anguish to you also. But I think if you trust me, allow me to take my decision."

Funnies

The Late Show with David Letterman:

Letterman: "I hate it when somebody politicizes every element of life."

Paul Schaefer: "What do you mean?"

Letterman: "Well, like the John Kerry people have turned this into like a campaign."

Schaefer: "They've gotten a hold of this thing?"

Letterman: "Yeah, well here's what I'm talking about. Watch."

Announcer: "Billions of cicadas are emerging from the ground to swarm over large parts of the United States, just as they did in 1987, 1970 and 1953. Interestingly, these horrible marauding insects only appear when a Republican is president. Tell the filthy Republican cicadas you're not going to take it anymore. Vote for Democrat John Kerry for president. Leadership you can trust."

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Leno: "Yesterday, John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face to face. It was an historic meeting. Astronomers today said their meeting actually created what is called a charisma black hole."

The Late Show with David Letterman:

Letterman: "Politics is strange and weird. Yesterday, John Kerry met with Ralph Nader. Wouldn't you like to have been a fly on the wall for that? And if you were, you would have been the most charismatic thing in the room."

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Leno: "You're in Las Vegas last night, partying 'til dawn, did you gamble at all while you were there? Did you pull a slot machine? Did you go to a Chippendales show? I don't know. What did you what did you do?"

Laura Bush, first lady: "Jay, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." …

Leno: "Now when was the last time you and your husband had a disagreement on an issue?"

Laura Bush: "Hmm. Jay, what happens in the White House stays in the White House."

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